I have received several calls and messages from strangers, to discuss the state of the Ghanaian man-and-woman relationship in the last few hours—and interestingly, the men seem to think the women are taking the piss and the women also think the men are the grand piss takers.
This morning, a friend called and repeated what I’ve heard numerously in the last few hours, that; when you take sex out of the equation, about 90% of Ghanaian women offer nothing—absolutely nothing.
That’s deplorable—if it’s really the case.
I’ve had several personal experiences with a lot of Ghanaian women, so much that the numbers are capable of forming a good sample for a study and I am afraid to say, I agree with this mantra.
But before I look at what’s expected of the man and woman in any healthy relationship, let me emphatically state that sex serves a mutual interest and benefit and if a person thinks all he/she has to offer as a participant in a relationship is sex, then that person should not join the conversation. That’s what booty calls are for.
While the men have accused Ghanaian women of not making enough contribution to relationships, the women have erected rational, albeit, emotional arguments to justify their positions—founded on experiences from previous dealings.
It’s only a fool that does not learn from the past—and it’s equally valid when you say, it’s only a fool who dwells in the past.
Such is the Ghanaian woman’s conundrum—at least, from what I’ve gathered so far.
Serwaa told me about how much she sacrificed for her ex-boyfriend; washed, cleaned, pampered him and even supported him financially, only for the douchebag to ungratefully go and marry another woman, Mary.
For this reason, Serwaa does not want to become a fool anymore and has, therefore, changed her ways of dealing with men. Consequently, she does little to nothing for her new boyfriend—reasonably because she does not want to be taken for granted once again.
Serwaa’s position is valid and at the same time invalid—especially, when her new boyfriend, Joe, is doing everything for her.
She said Joe is such a gentleman who regularly shops for her, pays and takes her out twice a week, helps with fixing her car whenever it breaks down and makes sure she does not lack anything he can provide.
She even told me about how Joe managed to buy tickets and flew her alongside himself to Dubai for the first anniversary of their relationship, all expenses paid by him.
Juxtaposing how Joe treats Serwaa to how she’s treating him, it’s grossly unfair, perhaps, even unhealthy.
Another friend and a writer at GhanaCelebrities.Com, Akua, also shared her experience with me and it followed the Serwaa pattern.
Today, she has sworn that she wouldn’t give much whenever she gets into a relationship—to avoid being taken a piss out of.
These positions are clever and human but also capture the fact that, these women are dwelling in the past. They’ve allowed their past to shape their today, which some may argue as good.
But keeping a new man in a disproportionate relationship where you offer basically nothing, because of what happened to you some months back is cruel.
So even though I understand the tangent a lot of these Ghanaian women are coming from, it does not make the outcome or their positions right.