More often than not, many young girls like me buy into the concept of giving relationships a try. And we say to ourselves that, with time the love will set in but what we fail to ask is this; what if the love never develops or falls in?
Five years ago, I was a young beautiful woman with the world at my feet and ready to explore my options as an African woman. I have always been opened to dating all race—-as long as the man is decent enough to treat me well.
It was during my peak season of dating that I met the Dad of my 4 year baby-Leslie, who I love so much but on the other hand, Leslie is the glue sticking me to a situation I find repulsive.
When I met my baby’s father, I knew from his dealings he loved me and still loves me but I had no drop of love for him—yet decided to play along under the assumption that the love will come.
Less than 6 months, I got pregnant and then had Leslie who has been a total blessing to me. But I still do not love this man who sleeps by me each night, tries to cuddle me each night and pays all the attention to me each time of the day.
I try as much as I can to respond, to fake love and to let the father of my baby feel loved but how long can I continue to do this? How long can I continue to deceive him, deceive myself and eventually Leslie?
I’ve tried it all and despite the kindness and overreaching support, the love is not forthcoming…I believe and have accepted that I am stuck with a man I do not love—and I will never experience how it feels to truly love someone.
I am sure some of you will be asking; what are you still doing with a man you do not love? I wish I can walk away but it is not that easy. I have Leslie and above all, this man has done nothing wrong, it is my fault and it was my mistake so I will rather endure the pain and not pass it on to him.
Each day comes with mix feelings for me. I wake up to the smile of the sun when I see Leslie and when I think far about my situation, the darkness of sorrow sets in.
I’ve come to accept my situation and I think I should live with it. Until I find a real solution which will work wonders, this is my story and I pray no young woman experiences what I am going through.
It sucks to be loved and not be able to love back.
From: Linda Amankwah F./ Germany
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