Yesterday a Facebook friend of mine shared a touching post, perhaps distressing to the woman involved and her friends.
I’ve since had a chat with this friend who has deleted the post for a reason he shared with me but has given me the permission to run a story with it, provided I do not mention his name.
So note that this is a real story but I cannot mention the name of the people involved for the obvious fact that we live in a society that judges without proper evaluation.
According to this man in his early 30s, he was with a beautiful US woman a few years ago and even though the relationship came with several prospects and benefits, such as a secure ticket to becoming a US citizen and eventually living the scorching Ghana sun behind, he ended the relationship.
Describing his relationship with the woman, the Ghanaian man said, she “was supportive”—and yet “I refused to marry her simply because of a green card.”
He added; “I couldn’t live with my conscience knowing that I do not love her and push her through a marriage with which divorce wouldn’t be avoidable.”
It was not just a case of watching out for the interest of the woman, the Ghanaian man also said that “I didn’t feel I love her inside and I didn’t want to trade my freedom for anything less of love. I still do not regret my actions.”
Considering the sort of opportunity orientated relationships we find around us these days, I agree with the many that commented on this man’s story as having done a noble thing. He did not allow greed or his struggling economic and social conditions at the time to rob him of being a human being with integrity, unwilling to sacrifice the joy of another for his selfish gain.
This man’s story is of interest to me because our generation is extensively self-centred and what we call love these days is merely a disproportionate means to an end, with many people hanging out with others simply because of what opportunities and money they are sucking out of them, camouflaged as love.
How many people do you think will let what seems like a great opportunity to relocate to the United States fall off—especially when all the person had to do was to pretend for a few years?
Of course, the woman would have been hurt by this man’s decision to pull a plug on their relationship at the time, especially when she was deeply in love with him. But I am sure she will today be proud that he was at least sincere to her about his true feelings.
Can you imagine what sort of marriage the two would have had if this man took the pretence path, all so he could travel out of Ghana and become a US citizen, something a lot of people do?
A lot of people are not happy in their relationships and marriages–because they are in there for a reason which has nothing to do with love.
Love alone may not be enough but it’s the foundation to building anything sustainable, anything that emits happiness and respect.