Counsellor Frank Adofoli has written a piece tackling the complications inherent in staying friends with an ex after a relationship is over.
Adofoli, who looks like he’s got his head properly screwed on, unlike the one known as Lutterodt, said maintaining a relationship with an ex can lead down certain roads from which there could be no return.
His piece, titled ‘Your ex partner is not your Friend’ , delves into why after a relationship is dead, it’s better to let it die on its own.
“Love usually starts from being strangers, to friends, then lovers. Anytime the love is over, you get back to your default status which is strangers who are familiar; not enemies and it doesn’t mean you hate your Ex.” he writes.
He adds that maintaining such a relationship implies something still exists and thus can spark cheating, whilst also arousing suspicion within the current partner.
“If you can lose someone you never dreamt of losing which is your Ex, please replace them with someone you never dreamt of having and stick to them by choice.” he concludes.
Read full post below….is he right or is he right?
Are you a friend to your Ex? do you talk often? Are you always chatting, Meeting up, etc? If the answer is yes to any of these questions then the man or woman you call Ex is not.
You can’t be friends with your Ex, and this particular topic is causing a lot of mayhem in many relationships; one spouse is comfortable talking to the ex, while the other wonders ‘what at all do they talk about’? Why did they let that relationship go? Their response is, ‘I can’t hate my Ex, he or she is just a friend’.
Love usually starts from being strangers, to friends, then lovers. Anytime the love is over, you get back to your default status which is strangers who are familiar; not enemies and it doesn’t mean you hate your Ex.
Familiar in the sense of what we once had or shared, but the relationship, feelings and what we once shared is dead. What is left in the archives is history. Because we are no longer together, there is nothing to talk about or celebrate for we have learnt our lessons and moved on.
No matter how good a medicine or drug is it can only work best before death, but after death nothing can be cured. It is same with relationships. Love is possible after friendship but friendship is not possible after love.
The only time friendship is possible after love is when love is still present and not gone at all. The only time medicine can cure is when death has not occurred; if the medicine still works then one is not dead yet or just pretending to be dead.
Being an Ex means thank you for your time, relationship, love, experience, memories. We are done and have moved on. This is why you need all the time to examine your relationship and be sure if you need some space to think things over or really want to end it. If you don’t do this process right, you always cause trouble for your next relationship.
It even has the power to spark cheating, insecurity or even end your new relationship prematurely. When there are unresolved conflicts, lack of affection and satisfaction, one is tempted to go back to the Ex. Anytime something goes wrong, you are quick to compare your relationship with what you had with your Ex.
Since attention breeds affections, constant communication with your ex can start a relationship you never planned. Again, talking to your Ex can most at times bring back some memories which can send you back into each other’s arms. Never make your partner feel insecure if you really love them and want to be with them. Make them your only one, not your number one with the Ex on the bench waiting for an opportunity to correct their mistakes or win your love.
If you can lose someone you never dreamt of losing which is your Ex, please replace them with someone you never dreamt of having and stick to them by choice.
In conclusion “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland” – Isaiah 43:18-19 (NIV). Please share with your friends, someone out there needs this

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