It is sad but very true that although money plays an important role in fostering many relationships, there are more ways that money can ruin relationships than most people think. It’s no secret that money is closely related to personal vulnerabilities and self-esteem. Couples who don’t talk about money in an honest and respectful way are often setting themselves up for disaster, as financial troubles and differences are one of the most common conflicts to send a couple to the breaking point. Below are some of the ways that money can ruin relationships:
- Not Realizing Your Own Baggage
It is a common practice to always assume that your way of doing things are always the best. This is the same when it comes to handling money. You will find one partner, assuming that their ways of dealing with money are correct, but everyone’s is wrong and that they are never wrong when it comes to money matters. They know all. We all have our peculiarity when it comes to money handling, they have become a part of us to the extent that we begin to think that it is the natural way and not the results of our complicated history and there is no way yours and your partner’s will be the same. The only way you can work out a method of dealing with them is when you take a step back and acknowledge the differences that you and your partner have, and understand the ways that some of your habits may not only be related to your upbringing but also might be difficult to live with.
- Keeping Secrets
Another way that money can ruin relationships is that it creates secrets between people, if we let it. Let’s say you go shopping and don’t want your husband to know you spent half your pay check on those killer stilettos, department store makeup, and that new blouse that was just begging to be bought and you are now hiding them in your closet. Unless you and your partner agree to be completely separate in your finances, but this is an agreement that is going to be hard to be in especially in a long time relationship because your finances will be intertwined at some point. Remember, any time you keep secrets that revolve around money; it creates an issue between you and that person, no matter how small. Overtime, the more gaps you create, even if they are harmless, will cause an emotional separation without you even realizing it.
- Thinking that Compromise Can’t Happen
Even though compromise doesn’t always work perfectly with money issues, it will be for the best if you stop thinking, “We’ll never see eye to eye on money matters because we are wired so differently”. This is because such thinking can blind you to the possibilities of a compromise, instead keep the possibility of collaboration and compromise open and remember that compromise is only possible if you add a little willingness and creative thinking.
- Viewing Money Behaviours as Character Traits Rather Your Habits.
It’s a common mistake many of us make by always linking money behaviours as part of our character traits. We think we can easily tell a person’s character based on their spending and savings style. It will be best to keep things as specific as possible when you have a financial issue to discuss, and try to resist the temptation to turn it into a bigger issue about character, which will only make you more upset and put your partner more on the defensive.
- Envy
Jealousy about money is one cause you can’t overlook even in the strongest of relationships. It will always rear its ugly head in and destroy what you have. For instance an income gap between partners can breed insecurity, and create bitterness or a lack of self-worth in one half of the relationship. The partner earning less may overcompensate in other duties, or else worry about their own finances in the case that the relationship ends. The more you try to pretend that everything is A-Okay, the less likely you are to start a real and honest discussion– which is the only way you can work toward solving the problem that’s causing the jealousy in the first place.