Perhaps we should pay a little more attention to the famous British adage; if it’s not broken, don’t fix it.
Though a lot of my friends fail to catch the spirit of my argument, I’ve always said that, marriage does not in anyway guarantee a relationship–and if anything at all, it seems to put unncessary pressure on couples which sometimes lead to an early break-up.
All around the world, marriage has become more of a fantasy and also a convention expected of couples.
It’s the “new cool” to get married and if you’ve been with your partner for many years, it does not matter. You would still have to “seal” the fate of your relationship with marriage. People wouldn’t stop asking you about when the marriage is happening and society itself wouldn’t so much appreciate your union without the marriage seal.
I know of several couples who have been together for over two decades and they are not married. And I know of those who get married and within a year, the divorce lawyers become their friends.
Of course, there are equally several others who have been married for many years.
However, the spirit of my argument rests on the fact that, there’s no real evidence that a relationship will last longer by virtue of the fact that a marriage ceremony has been performed to accord it a new status.
And today, Angelia Jolie and Brad Pitt’s shocking divorce, which comes just after two years of their marriage and over ten years of their relationship has confirmed we do not have to continue kidding ourselves that marriage is some sort of a special super glue which holds relationships together.
A lot of people are ignoring the core ingredients which hold relationships together to rather focus on a mere status change or ceremony–which is nothing more than an avenue for many to show off or to throw some hard earned cash to the wind.
People who are looking for lasting relationships should work on the various elements which foster partnerships–such as; faithfulness, kindness, compromise, understanding, selflessness and unfettered committment to work things out.
It’s time we begin to tear down the century old misconception that marriage somewhat safeguards relationships.
CHRIS-VINCENT Writes: Marriage Does Not Guarantee A Relationship–Angela Jolie & Brad Pitt's Divorce Has Just Re-Affirm This Bitter Truth
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A very deep write-up…you’re right. It’s just like if you rush, you crush!
So alot of people rush into marriage hoping it’s that super-glue to hold the relationship only to see that marriage fail.
Marry someone you are very sure will not easily walk away but rather stay and work things out. This requires maturity; that’s why marriage is not something one should enter by chance eg. pregnancy, family pressure etc. Don’t let those things push you. It is better to let a woman give birth and help her take care of the baby than marry because she is pregnant then divorce 2 years later. Never expect perfection in marriage. Even at dating level, start practicing forgiveness and working thru serious problems. Am not saying tolerate every crap, NO! But show love, kindness, let your partner feel appreciated and acknowledged, especially towards women. When you do that for a woman her respect and love for you the man shoots up like bamboo. Pride has no place in marriage and for goodness sake TAKE THE IN-LAWS OUT of ur marriages. “Check” ur parents and siblings when u are dating especially if it is a serious relationship so that by the time you marry, they already know their place. If ur boyfriend’s mother or siblings can talk to you anyhow then don’t even bother marrying him no matter how much u love him because your marriage will collapse. This is becos when u marry you now feel like a “boss” but becos the in-laws are used to talking down at u, that will not change and if your man didn’t check them before the marriage, they will not listen or take him serious during the marriage, by that time its too late and the friction is no joke. This is something I learnt personally. Had it not been for my resolve to stay and work things out, I would have walked away. Also be responsible with money before you marry otherwise that can cause a big headache and even lead to divorce. Respect each others resources and there will be no issues.
This is my little advice from 4 years dating my husband and 17 years marriage. God bless all our marriages and grant us wisdom to treat each other as we would like to be treated.
This is DEEP. Thanks.
I like the part when u said practice working things out when u are dating even before you marry and the in-laws LOL.
Its true, treat each other fair and right. When you are both happy and content, u will always be on the same page
The main problem is the pressure and expectations. Sometimes unrealistic expectations from a spouse. I dated for 3 years and I never experienced any abnormal signs of jealousy, BUT after marriage, I could not even receive a call from any female without being grilled to death by my wife about who it is. It got to a appoint where I started saving females names as male names and reducing the volume on my phone so that my wife will not hear any voice because as soon as I get a call she quickly comes to sit by my side just to listen. She never did that when we were dating. But after marriage she demanded the password to my phone. I refused to give it to her because I said I will not go thru her phone so we shd respect each other becos I said that she did not talk to me for 5 days living in the same house.
Things got very nasty when my wife started following me especially on weekends when I say I am at a particular place, all of a sudden she will just show up there to “check on me” sometimes she will come with our baby while scanning her eyes around to see if there are any women and by all means there will be women around, most of them I don’t even know but my wife will get upset and it always ended in serious ridiculous fights. Unfortunately after 1 year and some months, the marriage was dissolved because I just couldn’t bear it any longer.
EII U MAKE I FEAR SEF!
As for marriage, take your time and let God guide u. Don’t force it. If someone is really meant for you, God will make sure you go thru tests to prepare and strengthen you because marriage is more hectic and if you can not pass dating tests then don’t even bother to marry. Don’t get fixated on the wrong things, we let anger overtake our senses and the next thing u know ur marriage/relationship is over. Remember your imperfections too, remember what you have done to that person, be realistic and put yourself in their shoes always, that will help u work thru challenges.
Some issues are unacceptable so don’t be a push over tho. But be mature, fair and WISE. Know the heart and mind of ur partner. Make sure they are kind, tolerant and NEVER push them beyond what you know they can handle otherwise there will be an explosion called divorce/break up.