The fact that God has refused to answer my recent article to him drives me crazy.
And they say he is omnipresent and hears us any time we speak to him. Their theory of hell drives me crazier than the God factor. A supposedly loving ‘deity’ who created us in his own image and likeness, will watch us burn in an eternal fire? Who does that? How wicked can you be?
I am not sure if I am angry or surprised at that. He has done a lot worse to people for allegedly disobeying him. What makes me think he can’t watch me burn in hell? Newsflash!! I want to be in hell, I can’t wait to experience that supposed eternal fire. I don’t want to go to that heaven described in his books. Hell No! Who wants to be in such a boring place?

Who wants to be worshiping a supposed God 24/7? I don’t know about you but I don’t want that.
I am living in hell as it is. With this crumbling economy and incessant deaths around me, tell me this is not hell. I would plead with the agents of the devil, whoever they are, the purported guardians of hell to take this semi love letter to him from me….
Dear Hell,
Open your bosom and embrace me. An imperfect being like me. Extremely flawed. A sinner who revels in her sins. I look forward to coming over after I’ve done my time here.
The religious enthusiasts make you look like no place any human should aspire to be. Why aspire to be in a place I already have a home? My life here is preparing me for an eternity with you. I am pleading and crying out. Hope has turned to desperation.
I falter every second you keep ignoring me. Save me from this wicked and unjust world. Save me from this boredom. This heart wrenching loneliness. Desperation to make something out of my life is driving me nuts.
Let Heaven not win the battle to keep me if I fall. Save me from meeting my creator. Him whose disciples mock and point accusing fingers at me. They say I am destined to spend an eternity with you if I don’t change from my dirty ways. I don’t want to be cleansed of this dirt that has tainted my life.
Save me from this judgmental bastards who are lurking in the dark to pounce on me immediately I take a false step.
Dear Hell,
I bet I wouldn’t have to tell you how some of us ladies are not satisfied with anything we have.
I have an idea of how hell is supposed to be like. If you can’t meet my specifications, try as much as you can to at least get me the basic necessities of life.
Anyway, can you make it a rule to allow none of those dead human wigs over there. Natural hair zone. That would be cool. I know you have a lot of great entertainers with you. I am not satisfied with that, I am a new school lady, make sure you bring a lot of these new school performers. Beyonce won’t be a bad idea. Efya won’t be a bad idea too.
I don’t need to tell you to smuggle Chris-Vincent Agyapong Febiri in, that boy is there with me in spirit. Please make it a point not to allow any politician, they deserve a grade lower than you.
Dear Hell,
I look forward to hearing from you as soon as you receive this article.
Do not be bothered if you cannot deliver your response in person, your most loyal servant, the very Reverend Bishop Daniel Obinim can do that on your behalf. That dude flies to places that would surprise even you……

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