Honourable Patrick Obahiagbon is famous in his country for obfuscating his oral recitations from the average man. How wise that is remains to be seen.
This guy seems like Nigeria’s own version of Papanii Papafio, just that he has the qualifications to back up his big words.
In the below interview with the Punch newspaper, he displays some of the English prowess which I’m sure everyone hates him for. According to him though, it’s a natural part of who he is. So natural, in fact, he used such words in writing his O’Levels back in the day, and WAEC had to seize his papers, three times.
Read his interview below… if you actually understand him.
What is your educational background
I am by the grace of the celestial choir, a legal practitioner, a public administrator, an international historian and a diplomat. I earned a degree in Law and was called to the Nigerian Bar as a solicitor and advocate of the Supreme Court of Nigeria about 25 years ago and I do also have a double-barreled Master’s degree in Public Administration and in International History and Diplomacy.
Why do you always speak ‘big grammar’?
I am not really consensus ad idem with those who opine that my idiolect is advertently obfuscative. No no no, it’s just that I am in my elements when the colloquy has to do with the pax nigeriana of our dreams and one necessarily needs to fulminate against the alcibiadian modus vivendi of our prebendal political class.
How do you talk to your wife, children and even your friends?
I relate with my family and friends very warmly and in an atmosphere of camaraderie, stripped of my confutational habiliment and gladiatorial homilies. I am a very peaceful, calm, level-headed and celestially attuned soul personality.
Is this the way you proposed to your wife, speaking high tech grammar?
Of course, the business of the day when I interfaced with my wife on matters of the heart had to be in plain Caeser’s language and you can decipher why that had to be so. The matter in view did not permit itself of sphinxian conundrum.
It’s a long time ago, so I can’t remember the exact words I used. We had a relationship for ten years before we got married. We’re looking at close to 20 years ago.
How does your family understand your English?
My family and friends understand me perfectly just the same way you understand me now though, I must admit that it depends on the issues on the piazza.
Is this the way you were speaking in your school days?
I’m sure if you confer with my school mates they will tell you that I no longer speak what those who just know me now call “grammar.” I could speak for about twenty minutes when I was in the university and you won’t understand one word of what I said. I must say I have deteriorated in my grammatical construct.
Did you write exams in school in these big words?
I used such words very-very freely in my exams both at the secondary school and in my university and little wonder I had the misfortune of my English results being seized intermittently in my O’ Levels.
WAEC released my results for the other subjects and withheld my English result. This happened for about three years. Twice, I passed the University Matriculation Examination but I could not proceed to the University because of my English results that were not released. At the end of the day, it was released after the third attempt.
Didn’t you have problems with your teachers?
It no doubt gave me serious issues at the university and that is because some, if not most of my lecturers, ran away with the erroneous impression that my attitudinal predilection had a deprecable tinge of academic braggadocio and intellectual megalomania. But this assumption was both mendacious and a fallacious ad hominem. I could not but take solace in that Latin apothegm which states that O Tempora! O Mores.
Do you pray the same way you speak?
God understands all languages, my brother and I pray to God using any word that pops up. May I posit that the key points in prayers are your sincerity, purity of heart, walking within the compass and to what extent are you ready and worthy of receiving the benediction of the cosmic and the cosmic masters because as we say in mysticism- “when the students are ready, the masters would appear.”
Why do you pull your trousers up beyond the waist?
Hahahaha….That trousers style is called Yohji Yamamoto. It was my own audacious statement to remonstrate against the pervasive tendency of Nigerians especially our youths that took to the practice of putting on trousers exposing their lower anatomical contours and I will do it over and over again.
When you speak to Caucasians of English origin, how do they react to you?
My friends that are whites simply marvel and sometimes get maniacally bewildered when we engage, most times to my consternation.
There is more where that came from…

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