I am back, still living in Ghana with no prospects of a better tomorrow. The Government can’t be bothered and the strongest opposition party has ended up fighting themselves—giving the Government of Dead Goats more time to sketch the next grand electoral robbery.
In such a country, you cannot really own much, except your body—to give and play with it on your terms. That is why I find it deeply worrying when others allow external conceptions and controls to take charge of the only autonomy they hold.
My headline question is as old as the various ontological questions but it seems the answers women give and what actually happen are never the same—at least with the exception of me.
I got into a loud conversation with my three female friends mid this week (Yes, we always discuss men and sex, do you expect us to kill ourselves with the Dumsor talk?) and the troubling question is my headline for this article. Interestingly and perhaps to score a decency point, all my friends said they would make a man wait for at least 3 months before opening their African pot for him.
Being my friends, I know they were each lying because Serwaa’s recent was the same night she met the guy—in the west, this would be termed a one night stand. She wanted a relationship but this guy was a key getaway driver so after dropping her at her climax destination, he never answered her calls and Whatsapp messages.
Considering Serwaa’s pitiful experience and her sense of having been violated as a woman, I do understand her eager to be exceptionally cautious the next time she meets a man. But that’s just what she says, would that really happen?
The Mary, mother of Jesus Christ in the middle of the triangle is always Tiwaa: she claims she does not want to have sex with a man before marriage—and her only sex was with her first boyfriend. Since then, she has had about 4 men who have passed through her life but they did not make it to the altar so the guess is, they never had her pot to eat from it.
However, this is the same Tiwaa who has an orgasm time table, aided by fingers and toys, she screams out 3 times a week all by herself—and ingeniously, she has various scientific articles to prove that masturbation is deeply healthy. She is the known liar in the group, so her words hardly get taken serious and yet, she is the one who parades herself as the staunch Christian. She is always on ablaze with MOGPA.
Probably, the Church of Christ currently teaches masturbation as a means to stay and wait for the wedding, before letting the real thing happen.
Then Stacy the gold-digger said she makes sure she has enjoyed all the early goodies and posh restaurant dates that come with meeting a new man, which for her should last for at least 3 months—before she would let him have a bite of her.
She added that, she’s always cunning about that so after two months, she would do the whole naked cuddling and even offer a hand job if the man seriously wants something but won’t allow any penetration until it’s that time.
Of course the danger in Stacy’s tactics is obvious—and this can be demonstrated by what she told us not long ago. She tried her scheme and before she knew, the man was seriously knocking her from behind with her mouth wide opened in screams. She said it was so quick she did not even remember how her panties came off; therefore, it was a mistake. I call it being a loose woman, made easy by her own defective tactic.
I looked into the faces of my 3 friends and told them the truth: Serwaa, you come off as a ‘Wh*re’ despite your so called 3 months policy, Tiwaa is the unending ‘Liar’ who thinks she is waiting and yet does not know she is robbing herself of the beauty of true sex with her constant masturbation. And as already noted, Stacy is a ‘Loose Woman’ who can’t control herself when horny—therefore, having a 3 month wait policy is pretty useless.
By this stage, you may be wondering where I belong. If you’ve read enough of my articles, it wouldn’t have taken you long to spot that I am a Libertarian when it comes to sex—I don’t care about any policies and rules.
I do it when I feel like, so instead of throwing the power into the hands of a man, I reserve the right to also want it even if we just met. And my reason is, as long as it would happen some day, it doesn’t matter if it happens now.
That having been said, I should be attracted in some way to a man for it to happen. Before I even kick it with a man on that level, the deciding factor is always the sexual chemistry. Once that’s in place: every other thing else can happen—I don’t need that false sense of decency.
Therefore, I am different from all my friends when it comes to the talking, but when we measure the happenings, they are no different from me—except that they hate to admit their rule of imposing a waiting time before sex is a mere conception, weakly developed so to sound as though they are morally better. It’s a deep seated lie.
Most African women, I presume are like my friends, instead of embracing the realistic sexual libertarianism culture by holding on the liberty to do it whenever they want or please, they’ve allowed themselves to be caged into a cultural and religious sense of decency, placing false barriers to their own wants.
And there is that misconception which entrenches the need for women to having a waiting time: that men will run away the moment they get what they want and if you want to keep them, let them wait longer. That is falsehood at best, because if a man wants to leave, it doesn’t really matter the waiting time—in fact, the long wait would even aid his run way, especially when you have increasing sexual Libertarians like me out there.
I know men who have walked out of their 30 years marriage and those who jumped out of a week relationship. It does not matter how long you are able to hold a man glued to you—if he would stay, he would and if he would jump the cliff, there’s nothing you can do. So denying your self a human need and punishing his ego and desire under the disguise of safeguarding a relationship has no long run real benefits.
Amusingly, all my three friends I discussed above are currently single—just like me. A clear indication that their developed notion of waiting for months before having sex with a man does not make any significant different to the “hunting and maintaining the catch.”
I don’t have a waiting time and yet the men hardly stay and they claim to have waiting times, yet the men do not stay. For Tiwaa, because of her no sex before marriage doctrine, she doesn’t even get her phone number taken as though the men can spot it on her holy but beautiful face.
Now, share with me your answers: How quick must the sex happen after meeting a new man? And what’s your reason for this? Has your time scale worked for you?
Do guys also have a waiting time?
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Mmmttccheewww, you are the ones giving women bad name n letting men think they can have it their way. Obaa just admit you are CHEAP ok? Real men stay for real women not your kind of olofofos coz women were created to be loved n pampered by men not used n dumped like trash bags but then again it depends on how u carry yourself that will attract your kind. Continue opening your legs for different men ok miss LIBERTARIAN n keep convincing yourself that you’re not CHEAP.
Real woman have control and have the right to decide for themselves when they want to have s*x with a man, I thought that is what the writer was saying.
So she is cheap because she is telling the truth? I am a woman who will say I won’t sleep with a man until after 6 months but in reality I have never been able to do this. It’s a lie we tell ourselves all the time.
If the writer saying the truth makes her cheap, I guess a lot of women are cheap too. Maybe it includes you.
What is also your definition of real men?
Listen here, the fact that you couldn’t wait for ur 6 or whatever months doesn’t mean everyone can’t ok? So don’t say it’s a lie we tel ourselves;u n who??? Also real men don’t like loose women n they never take advantage of women, so that’s the definition of REAL men. My thing is everyone can be horny but u must try n control urself because our bodies r not to be misused n abused ok. Read about fornication n you’ll know that each person u sleep with that’s not ur husband brings his own demons n they join forces with ur own demons. All I’m trynna say is even if u have to fornicate,try n do it with one person coz that’s bad enough, not to talk of several guys. If you’re truly in charge of your body, then control yourself n pray for the right man if the men r not staying.
There’s a girl I am “mia-ing” right now . Before we started the whole thing . She claimed she can’t have sex until after 3 months . Well , due to my experience , I knew she would give him after a couple of days , besides , she lived in my area ,hence; would be easy meet her after work ,everyday,and cuddle.Like u said , I knew as long as that happen she would give in. Before we even cuddled for the first time she said she would have to tell her pastor about me first and see if I was the right person . She went as far as telling me she would need a photo of me to present to the pastor..lmbo. I mean what kinda pastor/church is that ? The fact that she goes to that kind of church even tells me she’s shallow minded . Well I told her I can’t let her send my pic anywhere . I’ve known that pastors don’t need photos to be able to tell something about someone and his pastor sounds like an occult . So I was scared and I won’t . She agreed . Well she still goes to that church lol.
Okay well the 3 months still had to elapse .I didn’t really bother cus I had some other babes on the line and I could mia then whenever I am horny while waiting for the holy one, without her knowing . And oh I suspected the girl was also a player . I was just playing along. I only wanted a piece of her cake cus she has a big butt.
2 days later she asked me for money . for what ? She needed 1k for something . I told her I would be glad but we just met and I can’t also be throwing money away like that . atleast I need to know her for a while first . lol
So I called this girl one evening. She really couldn’t talk . I asked her where she was . she was stuttering , that very moment I knew she had gone to see one of hr bfs .so I kept on pressing – in my mind I was laughing cus I knew it was an advantage of me – how ? I will tell u in a second – am the expect remember ?
So after pressing her for a while , she broke and said am with my boyfriend . and i was like oh okay . when are u coming home . she said later . and I hanged up . nah I never got mad . I was jubilant. She called me an hour later. I never answered and he following 15 missed calls . she sent me messages saying she was just joking and wasn’t with anyone . lol I felt a bit foolish . I knew she was a lying but trying to insult my intelligence de eh I got a bit mad , but I really didn’t react . I told her to cut me some slack and break . she kept on lying ,,after a while she said it was her ex, and his sister and mom were trying to talk to her about reconciliation.
I was like ” I am deeply disappointed. Yesterday I thought about your request and decided to give u 800( I didn’t say 1000..cus it won’t really make it believable . atleast if I said ” some ” would be easy for anyone to buy it) out of the money . I thought atleast since we are dating and u really needed that kind of help . I must give in for you . I was here thinking positive you were there fucking your boyfriend . I am glad what happened yesterday happened ” . The Girl begged me and said she wasn’t fucking him and she swear she won’t go back to the boy .Mehn, this Gil skipped church to see the guy . something she wouldn’t do for me or anyone , she once said . So I said well , I can’t pretend like everything is fine cus I really liked her and never wanted to hurt her . hence I have to break us off . there’s no way I can pretend . she stood there for a while and said okay . well I knew she would call me later . before I entered my house she called . begging , asking me what I wanted . lmbo . I said sex . it’s the only way I would know she loves me and not giving it to anyone . yeah I was that direct cus I knew she was shallow minded and desperate .
She gave in . the next evening after work , I banged that big ass . I told her I stll gotta think about the money . I bang bang bang bang bang bang . all she has had from me is 100 ghc . that one I gave it to her willingly . she never asked . my trick was , I made sure I banged her really well the first time . and we lived closer so she would give in anytime I ask or she would come her self . she’s coming here tomorrow and its going to be our last bang .
I hate lies.
This is a long but interesting story. There you have it from a man. Some will still even wait and then after the 3 months run off lol
Lol, indeed very interesting
well it didnt make you any better…you stooped to her level..lies lies lies…chale treat women like you would want your sister to be treated…your story is interesting but I was just wondering what else you got out of this..apart from the sex…good luck with finding the right lady
Forgot to mention . the girl was a bit lose . could tell she was banging elsewhere too . what a loser
This is a good take on the issue. I am a woman and this social construct of having to wait a certain time even if the woman herself wants something to happen is not right. The men get to decide when they want s*x and they make it happen but for a woman, you have to live in this lie that even if you want it now it is not right.
Why is it right for a man and yet can’t be right for a woman? Society needs to change and I like the phrase s*xual libertarian. I guess I am one too just didn’t know what to call myself.
We forget women have needs too but we can’t even be truthful about our needs. We have to always live in lie so to be called decent. See the comment of another Obaa Sima, this is what keeps the status quo with women at a disadvantage.
Like you rightly said, a man who will stay will stay irrespective of the time wait. If a man sleeping with you early makes you cheap then he is always cheap for sleeping with me early. It should be two ways or?
U can comment without worrying bout what I said. Thank u
It seems to me at least from what my female friends say that this whole if you sleep with a woman early it will mean you are cheap therefore you have to stretch him is very important to women-men relationship. As a lesbian, I have not come across another woman who says sleeping with her partner early means she is cheap.
So I can say, to me, this is a heterosexual problem which has no grounds in morality or anything. What people think of you should not be determined by s*x but by who you are. I already form my opinion about someone before anything. So what about the people we are never in a se*ual relationship with? How are we able to know they are decent or need to be respected?
It is cliche to make a man wait. Most women I know do not even do that. And I don’t think the LGTB community has this to worry about. We have better things to fight for not some people’s own conception of decency or whatever.
Good piece once again my name sake and I am proud to say I am a libertarian too 🙂
My girlfriend; we’ve been together for 8 years now and I will marry her. We had s*x the fist week and she was the one who was horny and wanted it . didn’t stop me from loving her
this is what I am talking about…some men knows right away when they see the one…others just know a lady can be the one but keep playing…sex on a first date or not, as long as you are a grown person…that shouldnt be an issue…sex on the other hand releases lots of emotions, it could make things complicated though…but if two people love eachother and are on the same page then there shouldnt be a problem…I am sure you love her personality as well as the intimacy…bless ur union wae…
where are the men on this take…lol every situation is different when it comes to s*x and men or relationship…a man knows the type he wants to be with, whether he has s*x with you on a first date or after a week or months or whatever…some men are just lost thinking that when a girl sleeps with on a first date she is “cheap”…well have you thought of the fact that it could also be love at first sight or the woman too???but all the same if a woman or a man wants to wait with s*x, well it is her choice…if she doesnt, thats her choice too…but it all depends on the situation…waiting or not waiting…thats not even supposed to be an issue….
but you aksosua abebrese…lol yoooo just pour out your thoughts like that eh…lol we live in ghana oh..
Thank U