Lamentation of a Bitter Woman: ‘After All I Have Gone And Gone Through….He Left Me!’

…And the most irritating comment I tend to hear frequently from women ‘…after all I have done and gone through for him…’ This statement is very pathetic, to say the least. Granted, if you’re ‘doing’ and your expected result is not forthcoming, why do you keep doing ‘it’?

Nobody forced you to do anything for him. And you absolutely didn’t/don’t have to. Not every relationship ends in marriage and some should not even end in marriage. Funny enough, these ladies forget that the man also ‘did’ something even if it was not in equal measure!

If you ask what the person has done and gone through, the funny ones out of the lot they have done:

‘All the sex’ – It’s mutual so far as you didn’t shout rape! Ladies sometimes ‘feel’ or ‘think’ they’re doing men a favour by having sex with them – as if they also don’t enjoy it. If it was not consensual, you can always report to the police you were raped. If you don’t want to ‘sleep’ with someone, don’t do it, it’s not an obligation. A spouse is obligated to not a girlfriend/fiancée (fiancée is not wife).

‘All my time’ – I don’t buy this idea of ladies always saying ‘he wasted my time’. Nobody wastes anybody’s time. If a lady does not know what to do with her time, someone will definitely waste it for her. I cleaned, I cook etc. But then, the man also used (wasted) his time?

‘My money’ – Dump all your resources on a man and if he doesn’t want to stay, he won’t stay.  Money doesn’t sway the feelings of men like that as once he catches his breath; his heart will go back to where it belongs. It is ladies that money can pin down for the duration of the ‘ride’.

When you want to slaughter a fowl, you throw corn as a bait to catch them for your soup. Do you still have the fowl after consumption?  It’s hard to understand the thinking of anyone whose idea of ‘love’ is how much she can throw at a guy that is in a supposed relationship with her. There is nothing wrong with giving a helping hand to someone who is in your life and is temporarily down  but there is everything wrong with using money to keep the man because that is the only way he can remain in your life.

Then the ‘sacrificial’ one – ‘my unborn babies’ – Not baby but babies! If a man is very stable and he keeps prodding you to abort pregnancies when they rear their ugly heads and you keep doing it, you need a psychiatrist. The final onus is always on the woman if she aborts or not.

Nobody owes you anything! Nobody is obligated to make you happy unless you’ve paid a comedian to make you laugh your head off (and even if you don’t laugh, you can’t hold him responsible if you don’t find his jokes funny). Somebody can stress you out only if you give them the permission and power to do so and whoever you give power over you is sure to abuse it, maybe not intentionally.

Displeasing yourself to please another never ends well. It’s better to do what you’re comfortable doing and doing what you want to do. We sacrifice in relationships but don’t sacrifice what you can’t let go if things don’t go well. Bending backwards for someone doesn’t mean you should break your back.

When a relationship feels like you have to be doing and keep doing just to keep it on one leg (not even on both), maybe life is just asking you to ‘find yourself first’ because I believe things fall into their proper place with the ‘right’ person at the right time. Desperation is the hallmark of people who would rather be in any relationship than take the pains to find themselves first. When in such relationships, they carry on as if their existence depends on it.

Learn to/allow people to come around on their own. Don’t compel them to. Don’t manipulate and trick people into relationships with the funny ideology of ‘using what you have to get what you want’. When they’re fed up of being arm-twisted to stay and they leave then you start crying ‘after all I’ve done and gone through for him, he left me’.

My question then is who sent you?