‘Marriage on my mind. It’s now or never’ is the theme of some people this 2015. It’s not a bad idea at all but marriage will continue being on people’s mind if they don’t stop living in cloud nine and rent a place here on earth. Some want people who are not yet born (or created) to searching for a ‘God-fearing’ man/woman who can pray and smoke God out of heaven. You’ll live a disappointed life if you expect so much from people and life. Now…..
Ladies searching for ‘tall, dark and handsome men’ since time immemorial. Some women have read too many romantic novels to the extent that it’s playing ludo in their heads. When Danielle Steel was writing her novels, she didn’t have Akoto Mensah in mind. She created an imaginary man in her head: ‘tall, dark, handsome and impeccable’ and my African single sisters (bless their heart) are busily seeking for this imaginary man in a real world – building big castles in the air.
We’re dark already so what sort of darkness are you looking for again? It’s a tragic case of borrowing a writers mind set. I’m not saying settle for anybody oh, I mean common on, we all want cute children but if the type of man you ‘read’ is not coming, why don’t you tone down to ‘good looking man with a good heart? So, let’s assume you get your imaginary man and he:
- Can never or will never say sorry when he hurt you because he believes it would belittle and demean him.
- He has no respect for himself, you and others
- He cannot control his temper
- He has not been weaned off from his parents
Are you going to marry him? Your mom married your dad with ‘his short self’- why don’t you give the ‘short, already dark and good looking’ man a chance? Until you yank Danielle Steel and Mills $Boon characters from your head your theme for next year will remain the same ‘I MUST marry this year’.
I have a remedy for getting the tall, dark and handsome man – get yourself some clay and mould that figure in your head, breathe air into it, and presto – you’re done!
People who love to ‘form big girl/boy’. Maybe I am unrealistic but there really is no need to lie about your circumstances. You never can tell who is positioned to make an impact in your life when your paths cross. Keep ‘forming’ big girl/boy and you lose some opportunities. Learn to come as you are, once there is genuineness in you-life will come to your rescue.
There’s no need to ‘fake it’ to be accepted by someone who you feel is not in your ‘class’ – what if the person is also faking it? You can only get to know someone if you encourage such a person to be himself. Just as you can only begin to see depth only in a relationship in which you are being yourself.
Some ladies talk so big-only for one to realise that such ladies have nothing going for them and are actually looking for whom to leech on. The most pathetic are men who claim to be this and that…only to resort to asking ladies for money. When a guy says an ATM has swallowed his bank card – that’s where you’ll know if he’s a big boy or not!!!! Whoever deserves you focuses on your potential (and character… most importantly) and not the setbacks of today.
The holier than thou attitude of some of my ‘chrife’ brothers and sisters in the Lord – a man/woman who goes to church is not better than the ‘rest’. I understand you’re following Paul’s advice on not yoking with ‘unbelievers’ but then, stop ‘slagging’ your fellow brethren off when they yoke with people who don’t go to church.
A bad/good person is a bad/good person; be it a believer or not. A ‘bad’ guy/lady can pray to the highest heavens and even smoke God out of heaven – it doesn’t change his character. Dragging someone to church to ‘change’ their bad character to brand new doesn’t work magic. If the there is not there, you can’t force the there to be there!
Are you looking for the next Elijah (or is it Elisha) or a good man/woman? Tone down on the ‘Jesus is coming soon’ attitude a bit. People who criticise a lot are often worse than the people they’re criticising. Someone said -“if you want to marry a strict chrife chic, you seek ye first the condition of their womb, before all things can be added unto her because some of them hide under God when time is not on their side.”
Last but not the least; don’t ask people to match-make you if you’re the very picky type (I mean irritatingly picky). We all have our preference and choice of what we think we need (want) in a person – if it’s realistic. People want you to match-make them but won’t give the ‘available and willing’ around them a chance but (rather) busy shooting for those abroad, who may not have much to offer.
They want to know the weight of the person’s pocket before they meet the person. Then, there are others who have a problem with every tribe – ‘I’m not ready to change my name from Ama to Amina (okay, that one I agree…considering) and this tribe: ‘sacrifices their kids for money rituals/ their ladies don’t respect/they’re too aggressive/they indulge in incest – they have everything and anything to complain about everyone you introduce to them and they expect you to keep bringing more as if you run a recruitment agency.
Sometimes, the relationship hits off alright and when trouble starts brewing, you become the scapegoat and regret your effort in match-making them.
Let’s do a mind cleansing therapy and stop chasing things which are neither here nor there. Time to get real!
Truth laced with humour. women and I want tall dark handsome man. I must marry and year in year out they won’t change. Happy searching.
This is one great article. …I totally enjoyed every bit of it.
Real Talk, I remember a female friend of mine having this discussion with her mom, and her parents have been married for years, only for her mom to say, then she wants to get married to an angel.