Let’s get this off the way before we get into the actual discussion…
When I was an undergraduate student, I met a girl from Barbados and she was a lot more into me than I was. In fact, she asked for my number after one of our law seminars under the pretence of wanting to be my study mate.
She was a beautiful girl—and very interesting. Our regular hangouts at the University led to us kissing many times and from there, we started having lunch together—and went to the cinema so many times.
Our cinema trips were like romantic getaways; we did a hell lot that romantically kissing does not even come close to it—we got really intimate.
One day, she asked to visit me and we decided that; after school I would take her home and then the next day we would come to lectures together. So she was sleeping over—and she happily packed her bag for this sleepover.
By that time, I had kissed this young woman more than 50 times, I had touched her breast uncountable times and anytime she was driving, one of my hands found a permanent position on her thighs.
So I knew I was going to get laid that night—in fact, I thought it was going to happen that night and that was a guarantee.
That evening, we had some pizza and watched a movie together. And then when I was taking a shower, she walked into the bathroom. She asked if she could come in though—and I said YES.
She sat and talked to me while I was showering and she even fetched the towel for me. At this stage, I knew I was definitely going to get laid.
When we later got into bed, we kissed, cuddled and did every thing; she touched me at all places and I did too. But when I tried taking the only panty she was wearing off; she whispered into my ears—-‘no sex today please, why the rush?’
I was really shocked, how can this girl be holding my ‘stick’ and my fingers down there—and yet telling me she does not want to have ‘seks’.
At that stage, all she had on was her panty and her bra—I believe I could have pushed to have seks with her without her consent but that would have been rape.
She was consenting to everything including me putting my fingers into her coochie—but she was not consenting to penile penetration. If I went ahead to penetrate her, that would have been rape.
A CCTV video has been released by StarrFM of KKD and the 19 year old he is alleged to have been raped romantically kissing before the bathroom seks—and on social media, some are asking how can anyone say KKD raped this girl as they romantically kissed each other.
It’s shocking how most African men think when it comes to the issue of consent to sex (rape) and mostly I don’t blame them; it’s because our African women allow us take a lot of piss. I am a Ghanaian man and I know what it is; many Ghanaian men are of the view that, you have to at least force/push an African woman a bit to have seks with her. And that when she is saying NO—it actually means YES; you just have to pester or push her into doing it…
A woman can do everything with you, including giving you a blowj*b; that in its self does not mean she cannot be raped by you if she does not consent to penile penetration.
What comes under contention in most rape cases is; CONSENT and this is what we are struggling with—this is what most Ghanaians do not really understand.
Consent to romantically kiss someone is not the same as consent to allow the person to have seks with you.
My bajan friend consented to everything including my fingers in her coochie—but she expressly did not consent to penetration. That may sound stupid, weird and unfair but she had every right as a woman to make that decision.
And if you want to know what happened between us; few days later, she texted me to say—I am on the train to your flat; be ready to be knocked out all night. She was one hell of a ‘seks maniac’ but even such a person who loves it too much can be raped if she is not consenting.
Perhaps, it is also stupid and weird that a husband can be deemed to have raped his wife in Ghana and in many other jurisdictions—but that is the law. This shows that, a woman has autonomy over her body and being her husband does not mean, she has automatically consented to having ‘seks’ with you.
Let’s stop the propaganda and educate each other—especially the men when it comes to the issue of consent. Most of the men I have spoken to seem to be under the illusion that, the moment a woman starts kissing and doing all sorts, it means she cannot be raped by you.
Of course, our personal opinions do not really matter when it comes to the law—and what the law says is that; a woman must consent to seks—if it happens without her consent, that is RAPE…
And in KKD’s case, it’s the judge who would consider his story against that of the girl to establish if the sexual intercourse was consensual as KKD claims or NOT as the girl claims.
Also, remember KKD is alleged to have NOT used a condom…In January, 2014, a man was charged in UK for rape for having seks with a woman without condom, when the woman insisted he used a condom.
The Mail Online reported;
“A man on trial for rape for allegedly refusing to wear a condom on the third time he had ‘ses’ with a woman in a one-night stand has told the jury it was 100 per cent consensual.
Imomotimi Wilson, 30, met his alleged victim in a pub and she agreed to go back to his house but told him she would only have ‘seks’ if he used protection.
They had consensual ‘seks’ twice but on the third occasion claims that Wilson failed to use a condom.
The woman, a 40-year-old, said Wilson treated her ‘like a piece of meat’ as the alleged attack took place.
She said he held her hands over her head and told her ‘if you love me you’ll do it’ before raping her for 15-20 seconds.’
Anyway, watch the video below…
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGTjoLXoD1M
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