African Woman Has No Value or Respect Unless she is Married?

What defines a true woman?

This came up when I was having an argument with a guy I have known for a long time. Let me point out that I do not regard this young man’s opinion because I consider him very daft. He used to fail every subject while we were in school. Not just one subject, all!

My problem is; several Ghanaian men seem to share his statement.

I am not a woman who lacks admirers or suitors, if anything; I am overwhelmed by male attention.

I do not subscribe to the general Ghanaian culture that pushes a woman to be married or be doomed. Marriage decides if a woman is beautiful enough, virtuous enough, polite enough, everything. Your character, looks and destiny are summed up in whether or not you are married and woe upon you if you fail to be married at the supposedly ripe age of 25. You will be setting yourself up to be disrespected even by the lowliest minded fellows.

So I was arguing with this young man and he said to me, ‘’you know too much that is why you are not married. Maybe you should learn to shut up and respect men and then you will find a good man to marry you like the other girls have’’

That line practically blinded me for a second. I am usually strong willed but the fury in my belly from hearing that statement made me weak. I kept calm, breathed and cut the call. I didn’t hear whatever he said afterwards.

So this human male has been chasing me about town like a mongrel on heat. He didn’t realise then that I was too smart for him but when he encounters my mind a few times, his reaction is to insult me with it?

And this was not the first like I said, two other men have said to me, ‘’your intelligence will scare many men away; you need to pretend to be silly sometimes. You think too much and know too much to be deceived’’

Lord in heaven, suffice to say, smarts are prohibited in the dating pool. Most men will insist they love smart women until they encounter one. If her mind in anyway fights against theirs in arguments, or tries to rise above theirs, honey you are fired from their hearts!

This worries me, because I could have been married at 18, 20, 23, 24, 25 and today. I have had marriage proposals but I do not believe in marriage being the answer. I do not believe that a girl must jump and follow a man no matter what calibre just because he mentioned marriage.

Is a man the best man simply because he wants to marry you?

That’s all that we need? And other ventures like school, career, kindness, achievement and all associates are irrelevant in a woman who is not married?

Supposedly a woman who is beautiful or of good character or both, is usually quickly married so when you are not married by a certain age then obviously you are of a questionable character or not pretty enough to be physically appealing to a good man—some think.

If a man has not endorsed you as good looking or of good character, then you are not beautiful, you are not a good person. That’s it!

You will get questions like ‘’If you are so pretty, why aren’t you married?’’. ‘’If you are such a good woman, why aren’t you married?’’

How do so many Ghanaians or Africans get to thinking like this? Is it a problem with our thought process or a defect in our values?

Note that I have no problems against the beautiful institution of marriage but the reasoning that requires a woman to dumb down, take all bull, smile and shut up just so a man can marry her quickly is very disturbing to me!

It is very disturbing and irritating to me why many unmarried gorgeous smart women have to constantly justify their lives and character to the world. And then it breaks my heart because I ask myself, I am having to deal with so much ignorance on this subject in my 20’s, what about the women in their 40’s who are unmarried?