What defines a true woman?
This came up when I was having an argument with a guy I have known for a long time. Let me point out that I do not regard this young man’s opinion because I consider him very daft. He used to fail every subject while we were in school. Not just one subject, all!
My problem is; several Ghanaian men seem to share his statement.
I am not a woman who lacks admirers or suitors, if anything; I am overwhelmed by male attention.
I do not subscribe to the general Ghanaian culture that pushes a woman to be married or be doomed. Marriage decides if a woman is beautiful enough, virtuous enough, polite enough, everything. Your character, looks and destiny are summed up in whether or not you are married and woe upon you if you fail to be married at the supposedly ripe age of 25. You will be setting yourself up to be disrespected even by the lowliest minded fellows.
So I was arguing with this young man and he said to me, ‘’you know too much that is why you are not married. Maybe you should learn to shut up and respect men and then you will find a good man to marry you like the other girls have’’
That line practically blinded me for a second. I am usually strong willed but the fury in my belly from hearing that statement made me weak. I kept calm, breathed and cut the call. I didn’t hear whatever he said afterwards.
So this human male has been chasing me about town like a mongrel on heat. He didn’t realise then that I was too smart for him but when he encounters my mind a few times, his reaction is to insult me with it?
And this was not the first like I said, two other men have said to me, ‘’your intelligence will scare many men away; you need to pretend to be silly sometimes. You think too much and know too much to be deceived’’
Lord in heaven, suffice to say, smarts are prohibited in the dating pool. Most men will insist they love smart women until they encounter one. If her mind in anyway fights against theirs in arguments, or tries to rise above theirs, honey you are fired from their hearts!
This worries me, because I could have been married at 18, 20, 23, 24, 25 and today. I have had marriage proposals but I do not believe in marriage being the answer. I do not believe that a girl must jump and follow a man no matter what calibre just because he mentioned marriage.
Is a man the best man simply because he wants to marry you?
That’s all that we need? And other ventures like school, career, kindness, achievement and all associates are irrelevant in a woman who is not married?
Supposedly a woman who is beautiful or of good character or both, is usually quickly married so when you are not married by a certain age then obviously you are of a questionable character or not pretty enough to be physically appealing to a good man—some think.
If a man has not endorsed you as good looking or of good character, then you are not beautiful, you are not a good person. That’s it!
You will get questions like ‘’If you are so pretty, why aren’t you married?’’. ‘’If you are such a good woman, why aren’t you married?’’
How do so many Ghanaians or Africans get to thinking like this? Is it a problem with our thought process or a defect in our values?
Note that I have no problems against the beautiful institution of marriage but the reasoning that requires a woman to dumb down, take all bull, smile and shut up just so a man can marry her quickly is very disturbing to me!
It is very disturbing and irritating to me why many unmarried gorgeous smart women have to constantly justify their lives and character to the world. And then it breaks my heart because I ask myself, I am having to deal with so much ignorance on this subject in my 20’s, what about the women in their 40’s who are unmarried?
This is so true. this writter has definitely hit on the point. African men seem to be challenged by women with self worth, confidence and brains but Y3n tie obiaa… Stay strong and the right man will find you to appreciate you at the right time. Marriage is not something you go into with pretends.that is why a lot at times we hear people complaining about how their partners have changed since they got married people fake their character to suit the wife material phrase and later comes out of their shell.
Absolutely true about the character
My thoughts exactly
This is so true. this writter has definitely hit on the point. African men seem to be challenged by women with self worth, confidence and brains but Y3n tie obiaa… Stay strong and the right man will find you to appreciate you at the right time. Marriage is not something you go into with pretends.that is why a lot at times we hear people complaining about how their partners have changed since they got married people fake their character to suit the wife material phrase and later comes out of their shell.
Absolutely true about the character
My thoughts exactly
This is absolutely true….seriously I did ask my Aunty the same question whether men don’t like smart women…well more like women with their own opinion as I put it….she told me that african men, well some prefer that you play dumb cos for them to think you need them….I personally believe that it takes a stronger man to marry an intelligent woman…believe me if you know too much it’s a turn off to most men (african)….but there are exceptions….I’ve come across many guys whom their choice of women were based not only on their beauty but hard working and intelligence….so yes there are still such men even though most of them want the submissive ones….I hate it when a guy says “shut up you are a woman” or ” you are a woman you shouldn’t talk like that…. And the disadvantage of this is that most women who want a man will be submissive until she gets what she wants….and when she has that’s when the true color starts to show….and that’s when the men goes oh “Adjoa had changed” lol she never was a cat….she’s always been a lion….looool…..it’s not easy oh….
This is absolutely true….seriously I did ask my Aunty the same question whether men don’t like smart women…well more like women with their own opinion as I put it….she told me that african men, well some prefer that you play dumb cos for them to think you need them….I personally believe that it takes a stronger man to marry an intelligent woman…believe me if you know too much it’s a turn off to most men (african)….but there are exceptions….I’ve come across many guys whom their choice of women were based not only on their beauty but hard working and intelligence….so yes there are still such men even though most of them want the submissive ones….I hate it when a guy says “shut up you are a woman” or ” you are a woman you shouldn’t talk like that…. And the disadvantage of this is that most women who want a man will be submissive until she gets what she wants….and when she has that’s when the true color starts to show….and that’s when the men goes oh “Adjoa had changed” lol she never was a cat….she’s always been a lion….looool…..it’s not easy oh….
Women are suffering not a small thing. This is why the men end up with women who will disgrace then when they star talking in public. African men have to learn to marry women who can think and stand up for the family and take care of the house in their absence. Do you want a clueless maid or a real woman. Cooking good food alone does not define a woman o. She isn’t a maid. She is your wife. Have you seen the difference between Mrs Obama and the wives of some african presidents? Even educated african men want foolish women. They later regret it when their children grow up unintelligent
Women are suffering not a small thing. This is why the men end up with women who will disgrace then when they star talking in public. African men have to learn to marry women who can think and stand up for the family and take care of the house in their absence. Do you want a clueless maid or a real woman. Cooking good food alone does not define a woman o. She isn’t a maid. She is your wife. Have you seen the difference between Mrs Obama and the wives of some african presidents? Even educated african men want foolish women. They later regret it when their children grow up unintelligent