Why I Broke-Up With Yvonne Nelson

I frequently visit a hotel in Accra to do my nocturnal things. As a grandson of Opanyin Kweku Duku, a man who married 18 wives and gave birth to 35 kids, going to places with women to do my thing should not come as a surprise to you. My DNA is always h*rny.

One day as I walked into the reception with my new catch Yvonne Nelson, I saw this very beautiful lady whose beauty dropped my jaw and made my pendulum swing profusely in the metropolitan area of my boxers.

This infuriated Yvonne Nelson so much that she gave me a very dirty slap which did not only shrink my pendulum but also made me see stars with my naked eye. To be honest I saw stars so close that the closest star to earth, Proxima Centaur, was just a yard away. If this is the same slap Sulley Muntari gave Moses Parker, then I think Sulley must be charged with crime against humanity by the ICC.

Apart from the thunderous slap,  Yvonne Nelson threatened to leave after a long night of eating and drinking on my pocket. This left me wondering what I was going to do with the Alomo bitters in my waist if I spent the night alone. I immediately considered mast**bation. I know how to do it. It’s nice sometimes but you will go blind one day charley. It will affect your eyes. Stop it!!!!

I was surprised at her actions and the sudden change. I love looking at women and had done it a couple of times in her company when she was taking stuff and chopping my money but she never complained. So why the sudden change?

She even threatened not to talk to me again when she had in her hand goods worth thousands of Ghana cedis I bought for her. In fact, until I met her, I did not know that a dead human beings hair was that expensive. I had not sent money to mama in the village but I had rented her a house, furnished it, bought cloths for Yvonne Nelson, I mean I bought everything including the hair of people who were dead or alive in Brazil, India, Peru, Kejetia, Azerbaijan, etc. Anytime I think of some of the crazy things I did for Yvonne but hesitated to do very little for my family, I realize witchcraft is so so real.

One thing I know for sure about Ghanaian woman is that they are very selfish. As for pretense, I beg let’s make it a topic on its own. After eating and drinking, they follow you to your house, bath your water, get into your bed and face the wall as if your house is a boarding school.

That is why I Love South African women. “Can I take you out tonight?” And “Can we go to my apartment?” means a lot to a South African woman. Before she says yes, she is well aware that you are not a charity organization neither is you home a refugee camp. They do not ask you for a dime and in some cases pay part of the bill when you have dinner with them.

Ghanaian women are very different and my girlfriend Yvonne Nelson is a typical example. I remember once taking her to a spot somewhere in Dansoman and trust me this girl ate as if she had something against me.

The volume of food she ate made me think she had information of an impending food shortage and wanted to store some food in her ‘abomasum and omentum’. She ate so much that I had no option than ask her “Whyyyyyy…… Yvonne adɛi. If I’ve offended you in any way please tell me and I’ll apologize.”

Oh sorry. I sincerely apologize. I forgot to say some. The honest truth is that not all Ghanaian ladies are like Yvonne Nelson. Some have very good upbringing. They don’t depend on men to make ends meet. They are independent women. Those are the ones who grew up knowing ‘seks’ is an abomination but are advised on their wedding night to give themselves to their husbands…….. The good ones are not sexy. The sexy ones are not good.

After breaking up with Yvonne Nelson, she moved back to live with her uncle in DuaNkwanta, a village in the Brong Ahafo Region of Ghana. I hope she has learnt some lessons now. #Medaasewɔhɔ

A-Plus Corner is a regular column on GhanaCelebrities.Com written by Ghanaian comedian/musician, A-Plus (real name Kwame Asare Obeng) and it employs SATIRE but he defines the direction.

Some learn to be funny but A-Plus spends majority of his day avoiding to be funny—perhaps it is a disease but we love this disease.

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