On every scale of our existence as human beings, we are defined and shaped by our own rules and principles—these are the things that make us human beings and unique, varying from one person to person.
The most interesting and at the same time difficult part of any human interaction or relationship is the tendencies to have clashing principles, far difficult if such principles or habits are directly opposing to each other. And the interesting part is to be able to admire the other person for those unique principles that make him or her that unique individual under your lens.
The clash of habits and principles can threaten even the strongest and most adorable relationships, if left unchecked—and this is where compromise becomes the key to the survival of a relationship, if both parties so much admire it.
It is difficult to change a person set in his or her ways, and even far difficult to change such a person if he or she is not really into you but must set aside some of his or her core ways just to put a smile on your face—even if for once.
Nevertheless, under Aristotle’s teachings on CHANGE, things by nature change and this can be; change in respect of substance, of quality, of quantity and of place. Naturally, everything changes and a lot are meant to change—and the stretch of this may mean that, no matter how deep a person is set in his or her ways, change is possible though difficult. If a person is really into you and sees a reason to compromise to put a smile on your face, he or she will do it for you, even if just for a moment because it is possible and all things change.
We may all have made it clear at one point in our lives during certain relationships that we cannot do certain things or get them changed, but the truth of the matter is, when the person who really matters come along, we find ourselves changing or doing the very things we so thought were impossible to be our actions.
Everybody is something by default or when in a personal state but what most of us fail to note is; the moment you enter into any sort of relationship with someone, the default you ceases to be paramount, a new you is built out of total compromise and with the interest of the other person taking certain lead roles.
Therefore, the mind-set that you are something and cannot change must be weakened, must give space for those moments when they would be forced to evaporate out of the scenario to put a smile on the other person’s face—even if for just a day. After all, a relationship is not just about you but about that complex union and more importantly, about doing those things you dare not do on your own accord.
Being in any sort “this is who I am” relationship with someone accentuated in his or her own ways, letting things happen only if he or she wants them and not when you so much even need them may have it long term disasters. But in the short term, such disproportionate relationships bring unmeasurable emotional instabilities, capable of crippling your day to day activities, including the most important things you ought to do.
The greatest conundrum of relationships is the fact that, you can never know what the other person is thinking at any point in time but surely, by actions, you can at least know how certain things sit well in the person’s mind—and if the person is ready to get killed for you by rescinding his or her own principles and fears unexpectedly, then you should know you really have a genuine life partner with your interest well mounted in his or her heart.
Many years ago, I was pretty much set in certain ways and cunningly, I found ways to ensure that these ways were rooted in relationships and did not get breached, irrespective of what the other thought about those principles and the unfortunate consequences they had on the emotional, sexual and physical needs of the other.
And guess what; I ingeniously called these principles Fundamentals, defining them as those that cannot be changed—and therefore any sort of alteration is not a change, rather, a surrender of who I am.
Then I recently realized the truth, there were no necessary entrenched personal rules which cannot be altered when it matters, it just happened that I had not met that person worth the alteration—and when she finally came, I found myself doing more than I would ever do, taking unimaginable risks and constantly working towards seeing the person happy. Principles and “who I am” does not take the centre stage anymore; it is who ought to be happy and deserves to be happy that mattered…
Actually, when he or she says I am scared or give whatever reason as to why certain things can’t be changed, not even for a moment to put a smile on your face, remember there is nothing such as NO CHANGE when it comes to existence, and even Aristotle believed so. He or she may not just be into you and that is when all the rules will be kept intact, without giving any sort of room for your happiness or needs.
But when he or she sits back and looks into your eyes, considers your sole interest and happiness to violate those rules and take that unconscionable risk purposely to see you smile, then you should know you’ve got for yourself an archangel, worth going for a battle for…
Relationships have always been complex and will forever be so; but those who find the people who are on the same or close to the same wavelength with them at least have those unexpected moments when it works fine. And be grateful if that moment ever comes your way…