I’ve been told I should quit the anti-weave crusade since I am never going to WIN—and I’ve also realized there is no way today’s Black women are going to let go their much admired long hair, permanently borrowed from dead Asian corpses. For those who believe theirs is not from dead corpses, at least we can all agree they are from some ignorant worshipers at the other side of the world.

Since men are not going to win the weave race, can we at least make a little request that would somewhat make us feel a little better while women continue to find their pride and beauty under someone’s unwanted hair?

Look, we understand beauty has been redefined and the longer the weave, the prettier you become in the eyes of others. And we also understand the ease argument as well—that is, it is far easier and comfortable to rock/maintain a weave than to rock/maintain a natural hair.

Of course some of us have defined our grounds that we will never buy the weave but surely, we will compromise on living in the same room with the weaves (as if we have a choice)—and also, throw the false complements even though we don’t actually mean them or give a hoot.

If we are doing all these for you so that you can freely nurture your confidence and beauty under someone’s hair, all we ask for is to at least keep our food out of touch from the weaves and when it is that bed time, please push the weaves off the mouth area…

It is a game spoiler to romantically push your lips against layers of weaves when you know the true origin —it always reminds some of us of that poor dead girl in Mongolia, pushing her hair into our mouths. Totally disgusting!

And then when the bedtime adventure becomes paralyzed, you have the audacity to ask what happened? Of course, nothing happened; your weave just killed the vibe that we’ve kept burning for days…

I thought I was the only self religious weave hating man who cannot stand weaves getting into my mouth when I open them up for that romantic kiss in bed but some of my friends have actually considered vanishing into thin air, because their bed mates/partners continue to feed their manly desires with weaves instead personal touches.

For those men who are lucky to be living in various positions and as such do not have to use toothpicks to remove weaves from their hair like I do, I am sure they also roll their eyes and struggle to see the faces of their partners which are mostly covered by thick weaves during such special moments.

Once again, can we have the weaves off the way—because we admire seeing your beautiful faces!

Men cannot continue to buy monthly toothpicks just to be removing weaves from our teeth when we have other important expenses to pay, so it is either attention is given to this request or we ditch the many bedtime adventures.

Since quitting is impossible, just do us this little favour and keep the hair off the way or tie them up before jumping into bed. Even if we are rushing things, just take that moment to tie things for us—and we will give you a big smile when it all ends perfectly, weave free!