Of course, there is nothing new in the idea of two people living together without first marrying. What is new is the number of people candidly doing so.
After all, I know of a certain man in Koforidua who has 3 grown up children with 3 different women to which he did not marry any of them. Aside those 3 trial marriages, he had a 4th trial marriage, and now he is in the 5th trial marriage.
Besides the obvious conflict for religious conscience and societal values, the question is: Do couples who engage in trial marriages enjoy such marriages? Does this cohabitation lead them into a permanent relationship?
The truth is that, though some unwed couples may live together for a lifetime, some also may be short-lived. The fruitage of short-lived trial marriages may be as bitter and often as emotionally disastrous as divorce.
One definition of trial is experiment. Can anyone afford an experimental marriage? After all, we are not discussing sharing a piece of clothing. If the cloth is torn, one simply goes out and buys another garment. But the emotional scar tissue of a broken intimate relationship is far-reaching; it has brought some to the point of suicide. Even those couples who genuinely care for each other face an emotion-jarring problem: insecurity.
In trial marriages, the people involved live together and do everything together as married couples without much commitment. The goal of such marriages is for the parties involved to assess themselves and see if they can really live together as married couples.
The first time I ever heard of this trial issue was when I once asked a lady (who liked me a lot & I liked her too) if we could start a relationship. I was quite shocked by her answer when she told me she wants us to be in a trial relationship before we proceed on to a real one.
In the trial relationship, we did everything that those in normal relationships do. So I said to myself, if this is all the trial thing is about, then I don’t want to proceed to the normal relationship.
Now, back to trial marriages. What about the argument that you really don’t know for sure what marriage to that person would be like until you try it out? As someone noted, “marriage adjustment cannot be tested in a state of singleness. Those who attempt a test, even when it seems to be successful, have not proved that they can live together happily in marriage. And people who have lived in unwed sexual relationship with several others do not come to a new relationship with any great insight.”
Of course, the old-fashioned virtue of self-control is not popular today. It is considered repressive, inhibiting, damaging to the personality.
Thus, trial marriage, as with the other marriage myths, is a dangerous and shaky foundation on which to try to build. Well, some might reason that, it helps them to know some things to avoid when they get married.
But the question still remains, is trial marriage the answer to an endless happy marriage?
A very Big no. that is the time for pretense. People act more natural/display their nature when observed from far because they don’t know what the other person is seeking out in them…cos it’s not every relationship we go in thinking of marriage. it’s about the weddings now anyway for the ladies..boyfriends/girlfriends date for 3,4 years and they marry and the marriage do not even last for 2 years. others find qualities in people they like, they court for 6 months to a year and they have blissful marriages. It’s good when you’re marrying someone because you’d love to marry them instead of doing it to appease others. whatever you see now is what you’ll get if not worse and in situations like trials, people will put their best foot forward.