Desperate times calls for desperate measures …. So goes the ‘suicide’ statement. Desperation pushes people to do the unthinkable. When desperate for the latest ‘thing’ in town – you either steal or lie to get it therefore you lose the trust of people or put a big question mark on your integrity.
Desperation becomes extremely dangerous when ‘your eye red’ for something and until you get it, manipulations and sometimes acts of wickedness sets in. We get high on it and when we finally get what we want, we just drop it because we really didn’t ‘need’ or were not ready for what we were desperately seeking for in the first place. If you also succumb to the desperate ways of someone, you also burn in the process.
What I see in people (clamouring for marriage) these days is actually desperation and not readiness for marriage per se. They start acting out of the ordinary. They ‘borrow’ some virtues which were never found/seen in them initially. It’s not that they changed to become the ‘desirable person’ he/she wanted now, but they need those ‘virtues’ for a purpose and when it’s done, they give it back (like borrowing a book and returning it). When a person shows/tells you who they are the first time, believe them because that is who/what they are, anything else you see when they start mounting pressure on you for one thing or the other is ‘acquired’ which is easily disposed.
When someone says ‘I don’t know how I ended up with her/him’, you know desperation was the determining factor and the foundation on which the marriage was ‘formed’. It was a fleeting moment of self-gratification – the foundation was faulty, so the whole building came crashing down; severely non-repairable. Those who are ready for any worthwhile venture (in life) understand the importance of taking every day as it comes; they are people who move/moved into a new phase with ease without being pressured, cajoled or pressing on someone to do what they’re not ready for.
That is one main reason I don’t advocate for long period of courtship/dating, the longer it takes, the more it makes one person extremely desperate for the relationship to move further than what they want or where they are. They don’t even think through if they really want to be with the person – long term. Desperation does not mean readiness or someone desperately wanting you does not mean they’re crazily in love/love you too much.
Alternatively, when someone is desperately seeking for something from you, don’t allow their desperation to cloud your (good) sense of judgement. Most of these people lack grounding and rationality and they’re therefore more likely to run off if something/someone better (in their mind) comes along.
When the ‘drug’ of desperation wears off, you ask yourself why you needed ‘that’ thing in the first place. Don’t take advice and decisions when in ‘desperate mode’ – you’ll end up worse than you were before. Don’t let desperation ‘pair you up’ with someone you will under normal circumstances not love/like to be with – when it wears off, what becomes of the union?
Just because a person is desperate does not automatically mean that they will be devoted to what they are seeking. There’s a difference between being devoted, making someone feel special and being extremely desperate. Desperation only perpetuates…. Otherwise, one will be too ‘clear headed’ to give in to desperate measures!
We’ll be (extremely) desperate for one thing or the other, but before we start building castles in our minds and inject the ‘desperation drug’ into our system, we need to step back and ask ourselves if what we are ready to kill and die for is worth all the pain, the heartache and are we equipped enough to withstand the outcome!