Being The Other Child: Why Having Children Outside Wedlock Does Not Pay

It is not uncommon to see a lot of married men in Ghana having relationships outside marriage, most times leading to ‘illegitimate’ children. These men have numerous and different reasons why they decide to go outside their marriages. Whilst some men may have gone out because the women they married could not bear children, there are others who despite having children with their wives, still go outside the marriage to engage in illicit affairs.

These children, through no fault of theirs grow up facing a lot of challenges. Often times, the men may never marry their mothers thus robbing them the opportunity of growing up in a well functioning family unit.

A friend of mine who was the ‘other child’ recounts how growing up she could only see her father once a week, sometimes not seeing him for up to a month. She didn’t make much of this and thought it was normal until she noticed that all her other friends were actually living with two parents. She does not have a close relationship with her father now that she is all grown up because he missed a great part of her childhood.

These children also grow up facing a lot of stigma as a result of their parent’s actions. In the eyes of many, the children remain illegitimate due to the circumstances surrounding their birth. They may be resented by their usually older half siblings from their father’s marriage. They grow up knowing that they have siblings, but do not have the opportunity to develop the right bonding with their siblings.

Another friend also recounted how he was not acknowledged during his father’s funeral, because the family members did not want to damage the man’s reputation. He could not even read a tribute to his father and he was treated just like a regular visitor at his own father’s funeral.

The children might also face financial problems as they are normally conceived when their father is much older. The toll of taking care of two different families might have a potentially negative effect on the finances of the father. I know of a man who had 2 grown children with his wife. Due to reasons known only to him, he went on to father 2 more children with another woman outside his marriage. As at the time he had the other children, he was at the height of his business. Soon enough his business took a down turn and he was left with 2 little children to care for in his old age. His wife and children, bitter and angry about his actions sworn not to have anything to do with him…

Recently pop star Beyonce Knowles’ family was hit with this menace. Her father who was married to her mother for more than 30 years decided to have an amorous relationship outside marriage. This relationship resulted in a child and right now in his 60s, when he is supposed to enjoy the life he had built with his wife, he is now facing all sorts of child support payments and broken ties with his children. The child in question will grown up always being the ‘other child’ who will possibly have no relationship whatsoever with his popular siblings.

Nothing good comes out of having children outside marriage, and I would like to encourage any man to have second thoughts if they want to engage in this act.

Did you grow up as the other child? Kindly share your thoughts on this issue.