Today, we find ourselves torn between tradition and civilisation. While some would like to move away from the ways of the past and forget practices like the payment of dowry when they seek to wed, others feel that it is necessary to retain some aspects of the gone days and honour their to be in-laws with a token of gratitude. I don’t have a problem with payment of dowry (apart from the exorbitant prices some families charge because the man/woman is based ‘abroad’)

Many people delay getting married, fearing that they may be unable to pay the exorbitant bride price (because it seems the prices are never stagnant, it keeps rising higher and higher). The payment of dowry is something which I don’t see being abolished in many years to come but as things are changing and moving in reverse order, that department should also be changed and moved in reverse order.

I was on a shopping expedition with a friend purchasing his ‘long list’ of items required by the family of his wife-to-be and it was a very exhausting list. With all the textile manufacturing factories in Ghana, they preferred ‘Holland/English’ wax prints, sewing machine, (man suffer) etc. etc. I just understood why many mothers get frustrated when their daughters are not settling down because there is money to be made in the ‘engagement’ industry.

He turned to me and said jokingly “But…., why should I be buying the items and pay the dowry when it was the lady who proposed marriage? After pausing a while, he continued “…. . Even if a woman should pay the dowry, that is handing power over to her because the man should always be the head of the family.” I said he’s got a point because men are expected to propose marriage to women but if the women have taken up the baton of doing that, they can just as well pay the dowry. As to the subject of losing power to the woman, many of them are wearing the trousers in their matrimonial homes even though the man paid everything to the last dime.

On a more serious note, a woman should pay the dowry if she proposes marriage!

If I invite someone to a restaurant for a meal, I won’t order expensive food and drinks and expect the person to pay the bill because I don’t know the persons’ financial standing at that point in time. If a lady thinks she’s ready enough to shoulder some responsibilities and proposes marriage to a man (I don’t see any wrong in a woman proposing though), I think the lady should be ready to pay the ‘groom price’ because she asked the man to marry her.

Not so many years ago, it was unheard of for a man or woman to choose to remain unmarried and it would have filled your parents with great sorrow were you to bring up such a thing. Today, remaining single is almost perceived as the way to go and that is how fast things are changing. A woman paying dowry and ‘groom price’ should also be possible and not raise any eyebrows. …..forget traditions and values. The woman’s family should come and ‘knock’ with their drinks for starters because after all, a wife is an equal partner in the marriage and should be treated as such from all angles.… It’s called Equal Opportunities!

I think I need to forget about having more sons and focus on daughters….there’s more money to be made there!