I just turned 31 years and interestingly, I have two Divorce certificates and multiple partners. You do not have to judge me from reading this because I am being truthful to myself—something most of the women out there cannot do.
My experiences with men have been one hell of heart break to another. Even the religious ones did it to me too. It got to a time I thought I was just not good enough for anyone, leading me to a courtyard of low self-esteem.
As most girls I know did, I had my first real encounter with a man when I was 19 and within 3 weeks; I was dumped like a piece of rag. I clearly remember how I felt when he will not return my calls and was seen countless times with my good friend—they were doing more than just hanging out.
From there, I tried most of them who were bold enough to pursuit me for 3 or 4 months. All the time, these men made me feel I was the only special person out there. And without me, life will end for them.
Eventually, they all jumped off. I got married to my first husband and the father of my 6 year old kid. He was caring and a good man—at least I thought so until I found out that he had slept with almost all my friends, including my little cousin.
As a woman who has a child with him, I was ready to forgive him but then, it was more than that. He was not interested in me. The only time he was nice to me was when he needed some money.
He finally moved out and after a year, divorce was the only option.
I do not want to talk about the hell I went through in the hands of men being a single desperate mother who so much wanted a fatherly figure for my son. Nationality or colour was of no concern to me so I dated several of them—-they all disappointed me and left me standing alone in my dreams.
Then I married again. I am sure you will be saying “what the heck”. But he was such a gentleman and out here in Europe, such men are hardly to come by.
Once again, I was used by this educated Ghanaian for something he lacked—his permanent residence. The moment he obtained his ‘papers’, I was of no used to him and he suggested we stay apart as the tension between us was too much for him…
He was gone for 2 years so once day I asked myself this. What was the point to be married when you cannot see your husband? So Divorce was the necessary exit route again.
The way and manner men have treated me has left me with no desire to have one anymore. I’ve learned how to satisfy myself in bed alone, so I do not lack or need that for now.
But I do need someone to talk to and share intimate moments with. It seems men do not just know how to treat women and I think another woman will know better.
I am a liberal individual who has nothing against lesbians except that I always considered men a better alternative. With what I have gone through, I will surely be trying my peace of mind with a woman—and woe unto anyone who will try to judge me on that…
Men have not treated me well so what is the point?
This article is of no use. Have u ever sat down to analyze ur life and the fact that u may be the cause for their decision to dump u??? I advise u CHECK YOURSELF .
By the way, it’s not for u to tell us which sexual orientation is the best. SOMETHINGS ARE FOR MEN ONLY
@nana yaa, stop being a hypocrite. nothing is only for men. if she wants to be with a woman, what is so wrong with that? she will rather be happy with a woman than waste her life with men
@lil Mama, You must be ugly looking from your anger. Beautiful women are very happy people with positive thoughts.
@lil Mama, me a hypocrite???? Pls spear me ur ignorance. Check the meaning of that word and come again. Now to the important issue on board, what the writer need now is some honest retrospection . It isn’t about jumping from one relationship to another or worst still, from a man to a woman. Are u by any means saying lesbians are the most faithful group of partners???
Till she’s able to give herself some hard and honest retrospect, she’ll continue to be dumped be it with a man or woman. She can simply ask her friends for honest opinions about what they think caused those break ups. There’s nothing wrong in been single and putting ur life especially ur past in order.
Madam Writer,:-):-):-) take time off relationships and think through and through, u ll be able to find a” dump free ” charm to ur current situation. I’m an experience
I don’t think you can just “become a lesbian” because you are tired of being hurt by men. I think you need to take life day by day and heal. A woman may not necesarily give you happiness. Being with a woman is different than being with a man-psychologically and physically. But being with a woman would still mean a relationship. And as we know, relationships are not easy at all. I am not discouraging you from seeking a woman for a relationship if that is what you want. I just want you to think very deeply about it before you have another person (man or woman) involved in your life. I’m 31 myself. I was with a man for 10 years. I have a child that is 8 years of age. I am a bisexual. But that is something I have known since I was 12 years old. I am frustrated with men. But I have dated other women, and I know that they can be hard to date as well. So, I’ve concluded that I will not get involved with anyone until I know I am ready to commit and give my whole heart to it. Right now is not a good time. I am not ready.
Sorry fi what ya been through…all was a trials and tribulations,just need to keep it calm and free ya mind from anything that holds ya captive…and that nah gives ya di option to be lesbian…is a more better to stay single and surely di right man gonna popup…Be Good,Put most high God first!
No one will judge you, but remember that is the wrong way to go. We have all been hurt by men one way or another. Maybe you should not rush into getting married or dating another man just yet. What you rather need to do is go celebate, and pray. Pray to your God, and ask him to bring you a man who will not be a disappoint like all the rest, and this faithful and loving God will grant you your wish if you ask for it with a sincere and honest heart. I wish you all the best.
@Akose, you have a good point. Nice comment.
I pretty much understand all you have gone through sister. If being a lesbian will make you happy, go for it and holla at me sometime
@akosuaghana, Are you a Lesbian too??? Just asking….
@Ohemaa, and what is your problem if I am? what matter is; I am happy in life and my sexual orientation has saved my the men headache
@akosuaghana, Don’t get me wrong, I am not judging you for being a Lesbian. You said your sexual orientation has saved you from men headace. Don’t Lesbians also break their women’s hearts and give headaches too? I am not a lesbian but i do have gay friends. And from what i have been told and seen among my gay friends, they swap and change patners like they change their clothes! So l think it is a very weak excuse.
@akosuaghana,I agree with you 100 percent o! I don’t know why Africans have a problem with homosexuality & lesbianism. It is absolutely natural. 1500 animal species practice it (if you think i’m lying, google it and educate yourself). They will come quoting the Bible at you while the same people break the Bible’s rules about fornication, divorce, women preaching in church etc. And by the way, who said, we all subscribe to your Bible? Not all of us are Christians or muslims or whatever.The same people will also tell you gay is unAfrican which is a big lie- google ‘azande warriors homosexuality’ and ‘dogon priests gay’ & read about how even some of our ancestors were gay/ lesbian. So give me a break. Yes, some of us are women who love women & we’re very happy with it. So deal with it
@Sandy, Glad to know there are some equally intelligent black woman out here like me who embraces their sexual orientation. Africans will force their choice on you, telling yours is unacceptable and will go as far as quoting some old books to back their assumption.
The truth of the matter is, if many black women looked at what made they happier, our sister above would not have been in this. I am a young educated black woman who has found lasting peace and joy in being a lesbian.
And I am happy and proud about it. I am an adult and with the consent of another adult, I can do as I please.
How are you honey?
@akosuaghana, I’m fine oh sis! You’re totally right. I will also never fail to understand why some people are so concerned with what two mature lesbians or gays do in their own bedroom. If they are not hurting you, why are you so concerned? I’ve known that I’m a lesbian since I was 10, and I’m happy with it & I’m also not going to change for anyone. Observers are worried. By the way, you’re so pretty & smart, I’d be chasing you paaa if I didn’t have an amazing girlfriend already. Lol.
@Sandy, Aww you are making me blush like want to kiss you now…I have a very caring partner too. But anytime you are lonely, hit on me, we can always talk and maybe there space will be opened for you to chase me and pamper me. I will love to have that from a Ghanaian you know!
:kiss
@akosuaghana,yes my dear. Aren’t we both lucky that we have such adorable partners? Mine is very caring as well although she’s gone back to Ghana. Yes o, I’ll be very happy to chat with a like-minded, progressive woman like you. I’ll take your email from Chris and contact you ok? Hugs and kisses & take good care of yourself, pretty woman 🙂
@Sandy, Okay honey. Be good and take care too 🙂
@akosuaghana, Akosua you are very beautiful, if you will give me the chance, i will treat you very well. So plaese, can you please leave your woman lover and give me a little chance to prove myself Dear. I am very seroious Dear.
@Kofi, Thank you but I am not interested pls
@akosuaghana, Are you not the same pearson who proudly said she enjoy anal s.e.x with your boyfriend a while ago? You are bi.s.e.x.u.a.l. not a lesbian. Stop following the trend!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I RESPECT YOUR OPENESS, I MEAN THERE ARE PPLE WHO HIDE AND DO THE UNTHINKABLE!! JUST FOLLOW YOUR HEART AND WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY. GOODLUCK!!
if you know God you will have a rethink
This is one confusing article but what I suggest u do is try and stay focus on yourself and your son. Avoid reflecting on the past and take time to know yourself better as to wat u want and I do believe you will find the special someone. Is easier said than done but not rushing from one relationship to the other will help you understand many things. Gud luck
i totally second that!
This is sad!!…Im not going to judge u..only God has the right to..but this has never been a good reason to be lesbian…The reason why a lot of us get decisions wrong is because we dont ask the person hu created us…If u feel u r too proud to search for God thts pretty much ur problem but if u do search u will find him and u will be fulfilled outside ur relationships..any other relationship will be a bonus..ALL OF U HU AV SADLY ADOPTED THIS WESTERN POV, its a shame!!…
Lemme be very plain..if lesbianism was or is the best y do they need to wear n use fake penises during intercourse??..y do gay men develop very loose anus spinchters at very young ages?even fr oral sex, do we know constant practice can lead to cancer of the mouth and throat?..we are just kidding ourselves!!..u cannot cheat nature!!
.keep on tickling urselves and it shud be scary to all of us that we ALL APPEAR BEFR GOD FR OUR ACTIONS TO BE JUDGED..CALL IT ARCHAIC OR WATEVA BUT ITLL HAPPEN JUST LOOK AROUND !
This is sad!!…Im not going to judge u..only God has the right to..wat is the proof there are no unfaithful and opprtnistc lesbians….this has never been a good reason to be lesbian..u r talkin out of pain which is understabl.The reason why a lot of us get decisions wrong is because we dont ask the person hu created us…If u feel u r too proud to search for God thts pretty much ur problem but if u do search u will find him and u will be fulfilled outside ur relationships..any other relationship will be a bonus..ALL OF U HU AV SADLY ADOPTED THIS WESTERN POV, its a shame!!…
Lemme be very plain..if lesbianism was or is the best y do they need to wear n use fake penises during intercourse??..y do gay men develop very loose anus spinchters at very young ages?even fr oral sex, do we know constant practice can lead to cancer of some sort?..we are just kidding ourselves!!..u cannot cheat nature!!
.keep on tickling urselves and it shud be scary to all of us that we ALL APPEAR BEFR GOD FR OUR ACTIONS TO BE JUDGED..CALL IT ARCHAIC OR WATEVA BUT ITLL HAPPEN JUST LOOK AROUND U!
Lets face fact here been a lesbian is not the right solution to your problems you need to check yourself very well.It could be that you have atitude problem or you are not interesting on bed or that you have some body problems that is not seen from the outside except someone coming close to you.Men general have somethings they look out for in every woman,there is an adage that says”if a dog bites once it is the dog that if a fool,but if the same dog bites you the second time it is you that is the fool”.Please check yourself.
Regardless of what men have done to you. I really don’t think that shifting your attention to women is the best option. Think twice dear
well,,if u want it dat way, y not?? s,e,x,ual orientation has nothing to do with good character and personal development.. though I think you should reassess the situations and see if you might be part of the blame. sometimes you can’t win all the time. but if you still feel youve had enough of men,just go for it..okay
ei asem oo.gud luck dear if it makes u happy
My dear do what is best for you as long as it is not illegal. And pls don’t worry about what people will say, b’cos no matter what you do or how you do it, people will always talk and will be judgemental.
Stay safe and be happy.
R u saying u never hurt or dumped a man b4?. Can you swear u have never been unfaithful? The men u rejected may be your compatible mates. Seek religious help to develope a godly judgment of people.