“Before I marry you……..or I’ll only marry you if……” The moment a partner starts stating terms and conditions before he/she will settle with you, sometimes it is better to give him/her a miss.
No one is more important than you, if you think someone is more important than you are, you need to re-evaluate yourself. Why will you date someone for a considerable length of time and start giving conditions when the issue of marriage comes up?
When going in for a him/her, in broad day light, the person was a size 12 or 16, you even lived together under the same roof…then you later say ‘unless you lose weight forget it.” Why didn’t you go in for the size 10 you love from the word go? The only person you can control in a relationship is you. You should not be the one bending all the time….Compromise is a two way street.
To change for someone else cannot work because initially it creates a lot of resentment and, ultimately, a lot of anger if the result that was expected does not happen. This is when the infamous, “After everything I have sacrificed for him/her!” kicks in, and it is not a pretty experience.
It is high time you stop changing yourself for a man/woman. A person who really wants you will not be giving you terms and conditions to abide by, above all expect you to change what you are and who you are for their pleasure.
I was reading a magazine and came across a very interesting story – true story, about a couple, not yet married but living together. The woman was a size 12 but her partner requires she put on extra weight before he will take her to the altar. The woman realised a bit too late that the man was in fact killing her before she sought for help – And the man left her.
Most of the changes people expect from you are sometimes very drastic. Productive change can only occur when it is between you and your own self. No one else should be the reason for your desire to change.
It is also crucial to remember that anyone who asks you to change, in reality the person wants you to alter what you are, so he or she can control you at his or her discretion.
There are some habits/character traits in our everyday lives which sometimes we don’t even realise it. We only tend to know if someone points it to us. These are the things you should be ready and prepared to change for your own good and others around you:
Selfishness- A big NO
Pride – Trade it out for humility
Arrogance – It doesn’t lead you anywhere
Impatient
Insecure
Jealousy
Stuffing yourself with food to the extent of getting obese…
You can definitely allow others to empower you to change, but only you know those changes that are required to enhance your own life. No one else knows you better than you do. In as much as you don’t have to change yourself for others; you should not expect somebody to change for you.
If you want a thin person, go in for it, don’t go for ‘fat’ and threaten him/her to slim or vice versa. And if you think you need to change how you look or are, DON’T maintain it as it is, someone may be looking for the exact qualities you possess. That is why sometimes, being hard headed (stubborn) pays.
thank you so much for this article chris! most of the time we dont realise it until we’ve left that person! I, myself have gone thru this b4 just cos i want to impress that person for the fear of him leaving me for another gal! let us be wise ppl