Being a celebrity in Africa sucks and this is because most people do not whole-heartedly give a hook about you. After all, you do not pay their kids school fees and you do not buy them food—pure African mentality and I love that.
Despite this, many African celebrities delude themselves to think they are exceptionally special, when in fact no one really cares.
There are the minority of people who somehow love to celebrate those they see worthy. Even with these people, they will hardly hand out their hard earned cash to support a celebrity by buying his/her music, movie or product. I hope you do not blame these people—when the rent is in arrears, who wants to spend money on substandard entertainment or pay to read an interview they’ve come across several times in the past?
If you love the celebrity lifestyle, here are my tips to help you live like an African Celebrity.
1. Learn To Lie A Lot
If you believe in thou shall not lie, there is no way you can live like an African celebrity. To lead the African celebrity lifestyle, you must learn to lie—and I do not mean ‘small’ lies such as; I am not feeling well when you are fully fit.
I am talking about wearing a $9 dress and looking straight into a camera to say, you flew to Paris to buy that dress for $2000 when you do not even have a Schengen visa to take you out there.
2. Live In A Muddy Clay Area
Forget your dream to become an African celebrity if you cannot apply thick clay on your face—sometimes known as make-up.
You must be willing to look like a clown and throw away your mirror. And those friends who will tell you the truth about yourself must also be thrown out of the window. You will have to surround yourself with those who will say the thick clay on your face is gorgeous and you look like a Queen.
You will need this thick clay on your face all times so the best way forward is to relocate to a muddy clay area where you can easily get access.
3. Be Ready To Tone Your Skin, Bleaching Is Old School
To live like an African celebrity, you must be ready to defend skin toning and falsely swear that you do not bleach your skin in the face of contrary evidence.
If it becomes too tough for you to defend your change in complexion, simply say you are toning your skin or your great grandfather is from Brazil or Albania.
4. Be Ready To Ditch Your Own Accent
Being fake is synonymous to being a celebrity but African celebrities take this to a different level.
In order to live the self manufactured high-life as an African celebrity, you must begin to speak like a Chinese born in Belgium, married to a French national and currently living in Nepal where she is learning how to speak English.
You must be ready to ditch your naturally acquired accent over night and struggle to put your grammar and new accent together. When any enemy of progress questions your accent, just tell him you acquired that when you visited the United States for 2 weeks or plainly say, that is your natural accent—is it his business?
5. You Must Strive To Afford ONLY High Designer Brands Even If You Cannot Afford Them
Look, a celebrity must be prepared to spend some real cash and if you do not have much to spend, as most African Celebrities do, find someone to spend his or her cash on you.
Even though Beyonce may never have bought many of the expensive brands she wear and carry (as most would come to her to rock them for free so to showcase their brand), you must be ready to compete with her.
Yes, you heard me right, you must compete with Beyonce and the likes of Kanye West. If Beyonce is seen holding an LV or Gucci bag, you must get one too. However you get it that is your own problem. You can give some money to those you know to get you some fakies from Kantamanto in Ghana, China or Dubai.
And better carry or wear your designer brands everywhere—including when you going to sleep.
6. Learn To Make Yourself Seem Very Busy & Important
As I stated in my opening paragraph, no one will give a wind about you if you succeed in becoming an African celebrity and this is because, people have more serious headache like where to conjure the next cash to pay the bills from.
Nevertheless, you have to make yourself seem busy and very important. You have to delude yourself into thinking, everyone one the street will want an autograph when you step out when in fact, no one will even notice you except your colleagues fakies!
You must be ready to appear on TV and Radio interviews even though you are not paid to do so and you have to secretly beg for the air time. Whiles on TV, talk BIG and wow viewers with many designer wears.
Even if you have had some local porridge and dry bread, tell the interviewer you have some organic oats imported from Isle of Man together with some freshly baked French croissants —Yes FRESHLY baked!
If you are asked what project you have in the pipe line, go for the usual; I have set up a foundation/charity to help the poor and the needy—when in fact you will be helping yourself and probably your family with it (I nearly forgot that is allowed since you may all fall within the poor and the needy group).
And immediately after the TV/Radio interview, give your phone to someone to take some photos of you and share them on instagram, facebook and twitter. Be ready to self-promote!
So you see, being an African celebrity is not EASY. This is why you have to wholly respect those who are balling—living this life.
If you’ve noticed anything needed to be added to my list to make the lifestyle a complete success, feel free to add it. 🙂
LOL
Chris, you are just too much. live at where you will get CLAY paa? lol. I will never want to live like an African celebrity. what for?
good evening GC fam @cici, Miyagi, Adjoa, 27 calibre, tiffanybabe, GoldenGurl, Khloe and and the rest
@akosuaghana,lol..gud evening
@cici, How are you and how has your weekend been?
:offtopic Where have you been hiding recently?
@Posted By: Chris-Vincent Agyapong Febiri, had an exam Chris, been checking but not actively commenting but now that is done, I am here in FULL. Hope you are doing great
@akosuaghana, good evening my dear hope your good
@Miyagi Atopahene, pls try and contact me. Since ur phone and other apps r not accepting
my calls. Its important u reach out to me. My contacts remains the same
(Am back in the states please n please)
@akosuaghana, Sup iyiyi! Mr GC you tooooo much Paaaa
@akosuaghana,lool he forgot to add dont workout or look after ur body, just have bread rolls instead of abs on ur tummy for the ladies and a C cup if you’re a man john dumelo cough cough, oh did I say that out loud?
You are just making fun of the celebrities.
Most of the things you said are the things they really do.
Lol @ charity foundation. We all know they putting the money in their own pockets.
Taking photos on an airplane making the average ghanaian believe you are a jet-setter and have it made. ha!
Hahahahaha da bleaching part was for yvonne nelson n charity part for julliiet ibrahim,dis is really funny lol
I simply love your sense of humour… keep it up dude!
Was the accent part refered to Nadia? hehehe. With her FAKE american accent? hehehe.What a joke!!!
Loool this is funny but sadly,100% true.
Lol, most of these are absolutely true, but I don’t all African celebs lie like that.lol.
lol so true
PERFECT IRONY. WHO THE CAP FITS……….
OMG… Christ you’re killing me… LOL!!!! But you know what since Africa is so poor, our local celebs don’t need all this lies if they stop competing with World class celebs!
I love this… too funny. Well done Chris
the writer is so damn good….what a real African celeb lifestyle??? 🙂 🙂
here in US we request autographs from de popular celebrities n history makers bcos we know dat in de future these autographs will fetch u a lot of money n is also good 4 display.but getting an autograph frm any African celebrity I think is a waste of time n is worthless. it just adds to de cabbage in your house.
“freshly baked French croissants” datz a knock out right there. how do u even get that in Ghana, r u like super man’s grilfrnd or wat?
Chris is just a big time hypocrite, how can you say all this when you promote the very people who do that and more? You need to make up your mind because we all know you also get paid to publicize so called celebrities who nobody cares about and are even unworthy of being mentioned here.
I think it was meant as a bit of a joke and light hearted humor with a mix of the truth…but not all celebs fall under the categories so its ALL good :peace
:peace
I think she did not get the fun and the plenty :sarcasm
Chris you forgot the obvious, the females real income comes from prostitution and the males are gigolos. The peanuts they earn can not support all of the above so bonking left right and center even the married ones.” HE AND SHE WHORES”.
This is funny but not all of them do this. My jackie is balling with real cash. but of course the rest who are desperate and ugly act shameless. this is why i was saying jackie has to teach these desperate women.
Making a documentary and getting someoene to pretend to be your wife – LOL
Hahahaha. Not to mention using women for their cash and for green card! Hahahahaha! The joke is on you John D! Hahahahaha
Add it
To be a Celebrity, you must whore yourself and sleep with married rich men (mostly a politician or govt official living on stolen state money or exporting drugs through Kotoka cos the boss of security is in on it and allows him to go scot free), and as you are riding them like horses and and just when they are are bout to CUM, you jump up, and the rich man will ask “Aden, why , why did you stop, I was just about to get there” and then you will bat your eye and say, “Oh honey, i will only continue if you write a check for the $30,000 you promised to give me to produce my movie”. The old fool will quickly write and hand you the check, and then you hop back on his bot bellied stomach and start riding. African Celeb dont get but a few thousand dollars per movie ($500 – $1500 depends) so to make ends me and keep up withthe jones, they have to whore themselves on the side (the actresses are advantaged here) but for the actors if they cant get sugar mommies to whore themselves, they dupe innocent fans abroad (Australia, US, UK etc) – even single moms. Everybody is competing. Chaley enyer easy en ma omu koraaaaaaa. Er yer tight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ghanaian celebrities are poor they make less than $1500 per movie, chris you have a blog called ghanacelebrities.com thats post news updates about poor artiste. Chris how much money do u make with your blog that is about poor african celebs dat are not recognised? You must be rich oooo!
Guys wat do u think?
@Malone, lol you might be right sweety
Chris is just been jealous! Get a life.