We live in a society where you are expected to be in your matrimonial home by a certain age. Marriage or let me put it, weddings is now a competing factor in today’s Ghana. A friend of mine came down from Ghana to come shopping for her engagement stuff. The list of things her husband-to-be was supposed to buy as dowry was staggering.

Surprisingly, she was adding more to long list, why, because her friend did this and the other friend went to the US to shop and people will expect her to do more because the guy lives in Europe. When I complained, she said ‘I should come to Ghana and see’. I asked her if she was going to marry for her friends or for herself.

Society, our parents, peers and the church push people into marriage when clearly, they are not ready. There is always a silent discrimination in the church against singles in their late 20s and early 30s. When you marry and start getting problems, the same church, friends and parents will tell you God hates divorce.

If you’re not ready to stop competing with the Joneses or keeping up your appearances, why bother? You don’t live with them; neither do you know how they managed to throw their lavish engagements and weddings. Let them buy their yacht, and you do the walking, and enjoy the walk. Your journeys are different. Stop competing, stop spending your future before you get there, stop the debt, and STOP trying to IMPRESS people!

Age and maturity don’t rhyme in my world. There is a very big difference between a 35-year-old woman and a 20-year-old matured woman. Marriage is for the matured. If you’re not ready to leave centre stage and allow someone else to become your focus, study, don’t bother. Selfishness is bad for you as an individual, how much more taking that selfishness into a union? You are so full of yourself, when children come in, will you be able to cope?

Affairs happen because people did not marry their best friends. Someone else holds their heart. Someone else gets them better. Someone else inspires them more. Marry your best friend and cultivate your friendship so that you remain best friends. Personally, it is fraud to have someone sign off their life to you without the full details.

Read what a very good Pastor wrote (and heard a lady mention something similar on The Stand Point)

“If you are not ready to let go of your philandering and wild oats farming, don’t get married. Don’t take somebody’s son or daughter and subject them to your germs, your indiscretions. If you depend on wild romance, all night sex, romantic cruises, wild parties, compulsive moves across continents, tempestuous fights and make up sessions to be happy, you may be disappointed.

You have to learn to thrill in gentle smiles, loving hugs, knowing looks, cosy moments, shared chores, cute babies, everyday work, dreaming together, praying together and simply living together. The one you choose must be thrilling to you even in the most mundane of moments.”

Don’t marry somebody and then punish them to live with your childish ways for the rest of their lives….A childish baby is cute, but a childish adult is frustrating. As I told my friend, please don’t let anyone pressure you into marriage. Either you are ready or not. You have the privilege of choice. YOU decide.