The time was 5.15am. We were sprawled out on each other’s side of the bed. I was looking at the ceiling. “I can’t believe this” I thought. I looked at the man sleeping next to me…He was snoring. In fact his snort could wake up the dead.
How could this man sleep through this? How could he not care? How could he not know we have a problem? In fact how could he not know he had a problem? I wanted to shake him but I didn’t. Maybe when he wakes up, I will tell him to find a solution to his problem. I thought.
I wanted to kick him, scream at him, curse at him or rather beg him to find a solution but he was in a state of oblivion and he looked peaceful like a baby with no care in the world.
This is not the life he promised me, this is not the life I bargained for. This is not the life. This is not life. I covered my head with my pillow and began sobbing silently underneath it.
I met Ekem at a friend’s dinner party a year ago. He stood out in a crowd of well-dressed men-he was the only one not wearing a tie or in his work clothes .
He was the most handsome man I had ever seen. I could hear his voice from where I was standing. It was calm and very soothing to the soul. And so when he lifted his head to looked my way. It was love at first sight.
My heart skipped a beat and did the waltz. I could hear fireworks and church bells in my ears. I turned away embarrassed at how his eyes looked through me.
At dinner time, as if by divine intervention someone placed Ekem across from me. Between taking spoonfuls of my curried rice and lobsters, I had felt his eyes before I looked up. I could barely eat, I guess he couldn’t either.
I excused myself to pick a call. It was one I didn’t want to but I was getting uncomfortable and had to pick it. Walking down the hallway with the phone to my ear, I stopped at a corner and heard footsteps closing in. He came to me like a dream and asked for my number once I had hanged up on the phone. And that began our love story.
I was swept off my feet in no time and three months after our meeting we were talking marriage and kids. One fine night, he proposed to me after a romantic night out. He had always been a man of many words but that night he lacked the words to express his feelings. I looked at him; he looked me in the eye as he professed his undying love to me. It was what I wanted at that time, he was what I needed at that time and I am sure he needed me too. But at that moment we restrained ourselves. We wanted to wait till the wedding day. We wanted that night to be very special.
“Hey beautiful, awake already?” he interrupted my reverie. This time around I had found myself well positioned on the bed. “What were you dreaming about with your eyes open, hmm?” I looked at the man unbelievably. How can he stay calm in times like this. I didn’t say anything but composed myself.
He lightly tugged my earlobe with his teeth, “Are you dreaming of me of doing this to you.”, I flinched and he sensed it. His mouth travelled to my neck. “And this, and this?”
I sprung up from the bed and picked my negligee from the night stand. Somehow in our rush to satisfy ourselves, it had ended up there. “ I am going to have bath”. I said not showing the disappointment in my voice. He gave his most romantic look. “ Hmmm, you want me to join you?” This time, I was just boiling inside.
“ Ekem, Ekem, Ekem” I called
“ Yes, baby” he responded.
“ How many times did I call you” I added. He raised an eyebrow amusedly.
“Three times, my dear, three times?” he smirked.
“Did you even notice what happened or rather what didn’t happen on our wedding night?” I asked.
The loud shrill of his cell phone pierced the air; I reached for it and threw it on the floor. He was shocked at my reaction. Probably because it was rather uncalled for.
“What!? What did you do that for? ” he demanded but I was so angry I couldn’t speak. I went into the connecting bathroom and turned on the shower. He came in there after me not caring if I protested “ Tracy, what did you do that for? “What did you do that for?” He reiterated.
“ Do I have to spell out to you, Ekem, do I have to even tell you that we have a problem” . I was hurting inside. “Do I have to tell you that you have a problem” I whispered. I had been always strong in times like this but this time around I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. I just had to let it out. The tears just had to flow and so they came out flowing uncontrollably.
Ekem felt uncomfortable and helpless. It was the truth. I was saying the truth. He needed help and he needed help as soon as possible or he was going to make me unhappy.
“Sorry, I just couldn’t get it up, I just couldn’t” He confessed. He looked confused and feeble from where he stood. “Could have been that the mood just wasn’t right?
Is this an explanation for what happened or rather what didn’t happen. He moved towards me. “I don’t have a problem” He denied. “ It was just the mood, ,maybe we should try again tonight, it will happen. I promise it will” He entered the bath cell I was in and pulled me into him and gently caressed me like the caring husband that he was.
He took the soaped sponge from my trembling fingers and began soaping me and rubbing me and gently whispered words of comfort into my ears. In my time of comfort, I become excited. And human as I was, I started caressing him back but he pulled back and gave me the sponge to finish my bath. “Not now, tonight we will try again”. He walked out of the bath cell. I was disappointed.
That night, I prepared for it. This time it was going to be glorious. I thought. I put on my most desirable lingerie. That lingerie was one of the many I had picked out at the lingerie shop with my best friend, Lola.
I was supposed to wear it for the wedding night but I decided, hoping to save it for another special night. I looked myself over in the mirror in the bathroom. I wanted to surprise him and make him happy.
I made my way into the bedroom and strategically slipped under the sheets. His back was turned to me. I rubbed myself against him. The coldness of the night made his warmth body rather invigorating.
I tried to turn him to face my side. But He shrugged off my hands and protested. At that moment, I realized he was asleep. I cursed silently. Disappointed and slowly went to my side of the bed and took to watching the ceiling again.
Didn’t he promised me this night? Didn’t he say we will do it tonight? I thought. I looked at his face and he had tired lines on his face. My heart went out to him immediately. Tomorrow is another day, tomorrow we will try it again. These were the thoughts that kept flocking through my mind until I finally fell into a deep sleep.
The subsequent days were a nightmare. Making me happy in bed wasn’t happening… Ekem blamed it on the fact that the mood just wasn’t right. Each night, he felt into this same pit of lies.
He was living in denial and he was making me unhappy. My best friend Lola sensed my worry and asked me what was eating me up but I chose to keep everything to myself hoping that our night would eventually come.
I waited, I hoped, I prayed. I waited and hoped and prayed but our night was just not coming. This was not what Ekem promised me. This was not what I bargained for. This is not the life I will live. The live I will live for the rest of my life.
Day in day and out, many African women suffer this fate. They are suffering and hurting silently because their men are incapable of giving them the satisfaction they want, come to talk of even giving them children.
When a silent woman in such a marriage is in not able to have children, the brunt of the problem is all pushed unto her. What would you do if you were in my position?
________________________________________________________
GC Life 101 is feature on GhanaCelebrities.Com. This looks at various life realities in short story forms as we try to entertain, educate and inform our readers on a variety of life experiences. Articles for GC Life 101 will be filed under Blog.
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GC LIFE 101: After The Wedding Night…
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I WILL DIVORCE HIM. WHO KNOWS? HE MIGHT BE IMPOTENT
@RITA, Divorcing him shouldn’t come into play in this early stage of their marriage. A lot of men have that kind of problem, so I don’t think he’s impotent, however, I’m not going to rule it out completely, it could be possible that he may be impotent, but i doubt that is the case here. I want to delve into this issue little bit by analyzing the possible factors of his predicament. it is a known fact that, Stress, Personal problems, financial problems, Family issue and a whole bunch of life’s adversaries could be the culprit in this situation. Case in point” my thing can even get up at the mere sight of my girlfriend but unfortunately, just a few weeks ago my girlfriend was mad at me because she was so horny and I wasn’t able to get it up. You know why? because I was stressed out. I was going through a personal problem at that moment which contributed to my inability to get it up. This gorgeous newlywed should try and sit her husband down and find out the actual cause of this problem or they can call their Doctor for help. By the way, they need a stress free environment and a lot of counseling. the lady should also play her part by giving him a lot of oral. Who knows he may regain his mojo… hehehehehe
@King kweku Quincy, Thank you very much Mr. Psychologist, your advise is well noted.
@Afrak, You are welcome, and thank you too for reading my response.
hahaahaa,if she had opened up @ least once 2 a man,she would have learned how to know if a man can get a “hard” without even touching his crotch…she would have known it even before they started dating
@rbk,Experience?
oh holy crap what to do in this situation? Well for better for worse here we go. he might nt be ill or anything but shit wedding night wow
my sis for better for worst, remember? is hard n seem not to be the reality but let no man put ascender what God has putten together.
I can relate to this story.I have been with my husband for a while and we have two children together. I have a high sex drive and l don’t deny the fact that l enjoy sex. When l met my husband, he was not very good in bed. I taught him everything and encouraged him to try different ideas and positions. The problem with him is that he comes very quickly which is very frustrating as l don’t get any satifaction from our love making.He does not think he has a problem. I am so frustrated with sex with him that it has got to a stage where l have stop sleeping with him. We sleep in different rooms and our marriage has gone down hill.
@Bebe,Tell your husband to do a lot more foreplay before he penetrate you. Tell him to go slow. Trust me you You’ll both get more pleasure out of it. If he gets that feeling like he is about to ***, he needs to stop for a few seconds. Or pull it out and change positions. That will slow him down, and may be more fun. Let him think about something else while being busy surely not about sex for example how you guys met your wedding day etc another thing that might help him is he needs to Pinpoint ejaculatory inevitability The process of sexual response has four phases: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. The trick is to recognize the spectrum of feelings throughout the process and if he is overheating during sex tell him to stop and squeeze right below the head of his penis, focusing the pressure on the urethra the tube running along the underside of the penis. This pushes blood out of the penis and momentarily represses the ejaculatory response try it out and trust me one day you might thank me for changing and spicing up your sex life once you reach cloud9
@Bebe,ooooh i think u two should c a sex therapiest. maybe it will help
@`madam social,Another good advice for a woman who is not ready to settle down good one madam social lol
@Dr. Miyagi, ooo chaley haaahaa
@`madam social,Lol hahaha
@Bebe,Tell your husband to do a lot more foreplay before he penetrate you. Tell him to go slow. Trust me you You’ll both get more pleasure out of it. If he gets that feeling like he is about to ***, he needs to stop for a few seconds. Or pull it out and change positions. That will slow him down, and may be more fun. Let him think about something else while being busy surely not about s*x for example how you guys met your wedding day etc another thing that might help him is he needs to Pinpoint ejaculatory inevitability The process of s*xual response has four phases: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. The trick is to recognize the spectrum of feelings throughout the process and if he is overheating during s*x tell him to stop and squeeze right below the head of his p*nis, focusing the pressure on the urethra the tube running along the underside of the penis. This pushes blood out of the penis and momentarily represses the ejaculatory response try it out and trust me one day you might thank me for changing and spicing up your s*x life once you reach cloud9
@Dr. Miyagi, whoa details details. I can see you are an expert at this. Just asking, are you a therapist or a shrink?Help some of us need people like you.
@Afrak,Well I’m non of them I just know allot about it and your happy to hit me up if you need some advise
@Dr. Miyagi, Yoo mati
@Dr. Miyagi, My ex used to come almost immediately he enters me, we tried to prolong foreplay before he penetrates but my dear, immediately i touch his “man”, he would cum, and his “man” will not even stand again, so the love-making wont happen. When you see him physically and u are a naughty girl like me, what wld first come to ur mind is that “this man wld be gud in bed, damn!!” but i was so wrong….he took pills, we tried different styles, we did so many different things but he jst cant delay cumming….he was a 20 seconds man.. I loved him very much and didnt wanna let go but eventually i had to…..he has a new gf now and the lady and i have become friends….she spoke to me about it sometime ago, she asked me if i had any issue with his sexual performance and i honestly didnt know how to answer her…..i lied to her that we never had sex. Then she started crying…..hmmmmm she loves him too….Dr. Miyagi, what should she do or he do???
@Eaglebabe,Thanks for your comment one reading your comments sounds like your ex seriously needs some help even though you left him somehow some way you feel guilty for not helping him out to improve nothing wrong with that and you have his new girlfriend the right answer or he would have lost that one as well than thumps up for being a lady and trying to help him seems like he is suffering from premature ejaculation and there’s one little exercise you can do at home to help him over come this and that is for her to stir him up with her hands and just before he cums squeeze hard to stop it Let him or she donthis over a number of times and a number of weeks and he should improve also allow him to eat allot of advocado as well (helps all those pills are just made to make money that’s it so that’s te last thing you want to start with best way to help him for him to do some PC muscle exercises His PC (pubococcygeus) muscle is the primary “sexual muscle” that forms part of the pelvis the PC muscle is largely involved with sexual functions such as ejaculation and orgasm With regular exercise, this muscle can provide firmer and larger erections, powerful ejaculations and more intense climaxes let him try it out and see how it goes
Most Ladies dont like Guys who want to see the whole package before walking to the altar for the YES I DO, They think you the Guy is in for hit and run, yes i know some guys are for the hit and run but i strongly believe that even if the guy hit and you have what it takes, he will stay and want a life with you, there is no point to this ” we need to wait till the wedding night” what is the Holy Holy for, dont we need to test Waters to see if all are working? pls Ladies forget about the Good looking , gentle man look and all the things that comes with it to confuse you that Oh the Guy am going out with is an Angel and he understand me of waiting till the D day, there might be a Problem with him and he just want to get married to cover it as every body is getting married quickly these days, your story is a sad one and i feel for you and the best is for you, to be sure that he can’t bang you, the thing not working and if the thing is not going down there and to do any good work then is best my sister you end the marriage and forget what people will say, peace!!!
@Collie Nesta, Lol at test waters
eiiiii doctor doctor hehehe. i think u’ll make a good therapist
@`madam social,Hahahaha your funny
@ Afrak , lol, sorry is test water then, dont you agree? hahaha
@Collie Nesta, test the waters,test the water oo the value is the same. I wasn’t trying to correct the english oo. The way you said or wrote it was so funny. Don’t bother your head,ok you just wrote your mind as simple as that.
This is such a sad story. For someone who recently got married and truly enjoying it, I can surely understand how you feel right now. You can feel the “thing” after playing around with your man for a while, and if it is not hard and up, then you know it is not good lol. I don’t believe in “testing the waters” because sometimes you may end up testing and tasting too many of them, and that is not a good idea. The trick of feel it worked for me, and I feel blessed to be married to my man. You may want to have a discussion with your hubby, so he can open up to you and let you know what is going on with him. The only way for him to find cure to his problems if any is to be open about it. Being in denial will not get him anywhere, and it is just a means of continuing to hurt you as a wife. That is not the right way to go about things. I wish you well, and just keep on praying for answers.
@Akose, thank you auntie Akose for the advice
This a serious situation and thump up to you all for your kind ideas. I best think what will help the man is councelling because right in his mind he accepted it that, that is how he will remain and just as the The wisest man to ever live on earth said in the book of Proverbs; how a man thinks, is exactly how he is. Our mind is the real battle field. Sometimes too if some men put on condoms, they release earlier than raw.
@Nart, Most men have this problemoo why is that? and how do solve that solution.Just asking?
check out goaskalice.com for solutions
@maq, Thank you ooo
my sister i am a man,i am very sorry for what you are going through,we men at times are stress up just to make sure everything is in order in the house so at times you will see us going off so kindly call your husband the day he is happy,give him a romantic massage and tell him you stand by your words on the alter and explain your feelings to him,tell him you love him and would like both of you find a lasting solution to his problem.He will ask your opinion about the issue, immediately hold his hands and pray together even if you haven,t done that before,then suggest something you think will help.