Dear GC Readers,
I think I may have lost the love of my life. I’m 34 and met my man just over a year ago through mutual friends. When I first met him he really wasn’t my type but I fell for him hard and fast.
When we met I knew he was a Muslim which was obvious because of his name but even though he says he doesn’t practise Islam he can only marry a Muslim. This is surprising coz he even drinks. At this point it was extremely hard to walk away as we had been dating for over six months by then.
I’m a Christian but like him I’m not devout. He really is perfect in every way and he always says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I told him I would convert as I loved him and knew I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life.
I started attending classes to learn the Quran and how to dress in the right way, I was even learning Arabic. I was so dedicated and my man was so happy and proud of me.
I really thought that once I had made all the effort to change my religion and give up so many things like church and Christmas, he would set a date but there was no mention of it and I got me very frustrated.
One Friday afternoon I suggested we go to the mosque which he agreed and was happy that I had asked. Then it all went very badly wrong.
We fought because he was late and said he had to meet with friends after. I basically waited for him to come to my place that night and blasted him about the sacrifices I had made and why he hadn’t even proposed!
He then got up and said if the only reason I converted was to get married then he doesn’t want to be with me anymore.
He also said he had been late to the mosque because he was talking to his mum about asking for my hand in marriage. I haven’t stopped crying for weeks! His phone is off and he won’t see me. Was I wrong? And what should I do?
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Dear Sandra,
I can imagine after everything you did to convert you must devastated your man has left like this. Although I’m going to point out the most obvious piece of advice here but men REALLY don’t like being dictated to or told what to do.
Being in love doesn’t mean living in love by your heart. Even though your man stated he can only marry a Muslim and said things to make you think he would propose, it really doesn’t always work like this.
It’s a typical case of actions speaking louder than words. He saying he wants it doesn’t mean he will do it and actually propose. I promise you, these are two very different things.
I’m sure if he appeared unsure about marriage you would not have made the conversion, so you can see how he thinks you just want to get wed.
Making such changes can’t just be for him alone, you have to make changes that are also in your interest. That way it doesn’t feel like a sacrifice and if he leaves you want feel you did it just for a wedding.
It also sounds to me from what you said he didn’t specifically ask you to convert. This is probably because he wanted you to make the decision for the right reason, when you’re ready.
I know it sounds like it’s a hopeless situation but you need to think why you really converted and if you are prepared to lower your expectations.
No more pressure. The best way to reach out to him is to write him a letter asking to meet. No more stalking phone calls! Give him space, if he really loves you he’ll at least hear what you have to say. Let’s See What Our Readers Have To Say Too! Guys, Please Chip In Your AdviceTo Help A Sister…
All the best.
SassyChic!
Send all your relationship & Love probs to me via [email protected]
you did one of the worlds most foolish things.
i am a christian living in an arab country so i know what am talking about.the fact is that if any one convert to islam with such a reson of been get married its not acceptable you have to convert cos you love the religion not cos u love a man.
2 why dont your man also convert to christianity if he claim to love you soo much????? we christians have no sense how can you throw your religion away for a man??? God help u cos its better this has happened now just its God who have saved you.
give thanks to God
@goldcoast presbyter, i totally agree with u……christians are disregarding God n this is a vivid example!!!
@goldcoast presbyter, BEAUTIFUL PERFECT reply…big up yourself
@goldcoast presbyter,Well said! Mmo ne kasa! He could have also converted if he really loves her. She has learnt her lesson now I believe.
@goldcoast presbyter,
NOOOOOOOOOOO…MY DEAR SISTER…IT WASNT THE GOD THAT SAVED HER BECAUSE GOD IS NOT COMMANDING HIS SERVANTS AND CRAETION TO EMBRACE A DEVIATION RELIGION…SORRY IF I OFFENDED YOU USING THIS WORD DEVIATION BUT WE HAVE TO BE NEUTRAL WHEN IT COMES TO THE TRUTHFUL MATTERS AND ISSUES BUT RATHER WE HAVE TO ABONDONE AND FORSAKE FANCY AND CURRUPTION WAY OF THINKING AND DONT MAKE ISSUES AS PERSONAL…SO MY PRECIOUS SISTER…GOD HAS RATHER SAVED HER BY CONVERTING TO ISLAM AND SHE HAS TO WITHOLD AND STICK TO THE ISLAM AND GOD IS WONDERFUL TO MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE HUSBAND FOR HER..PERHAPS BECAUSE SHE WAS SINCERE AND ENERGETIC BY TRYING TO PRACTICE THE ISLAMIC IN A DEVOUT WAY,THATS WHY GOD SAVED HER FROM HIM BECAUSE SHE SAID HE IS A DRUNKARD AND NOT DEVOUT MUSLIM..SO NO MATCH AND THERE CANNOT BE MUTUAL AFFAIR BETWEEN THEM….ONCE AGAIN MY SISTER TO CONFIRM ABOUT THE UNIQUE AND ONLY ONE ACCEPTED RELIGON BY GOD…DONT SLEEP TOO MUCH BUT RATHER DO A LOT OF RESEARCH BY COMPARING THE RELIGIONS AND DONT WORRY AND TRY TO OVERLOOK THE ATTITUDE OF SO CALLED MUSLIMS BECAUSE SOME OF THEM ARE HYPOCARATE OR THEY JUST WANT TO BE MUSLIMS FOR WORLDLY PLEASURE BUT GO BACK TO THE SCRIPTURES AND DO DELIBERATELY AND CONTEMPLATING READING AND ASK NEUTRAL AND SINCERE PEOPLE YOU WILL DISCOVER THAT ISLAM IS THE TRUTHFUL RELIGION….THANK YOU DEAR..GOD BLESS YOU!!!
@goldcoast presbyter, I too agree with u 100%. When I started reading the story, I knew that it was gonna end the way it ended. Pple should stop playing with God. Do U think God was gonna approve such decision? It is a very good lesson learnt.
i always say dis nd will say it again.we christians we dnt take our God seriuosly like da muslims do.no muslim will convert just like dat.it very hardly for them to do so.but what do we see in christianity,we re easily sway away.i reali wish we can be devouted like da muslim re.my advice for u is go nd ask God for 4giveness nd convert back to christianity nd pray hard.in Gods own time he will give u a man.not just a man but one who will not ask u to give up anything for his sake.
@inchristalone, SURE! NO MUSLIM IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD….
Neva do dat again..u shd rather let him convert to christianity not de other way..wen a guy realises dat u love him so much,den he starts acting up n bn all too-known towards de girl..its just a man’s thg..convert back to ur x’tian religion n take it serious den de Lord will lead u from der..he will send u a nice fine man with some sexy 6-pack dats gonna drive u really nuts..it hurts to ve bn treated like dat ba just gather some courage n move on..
my dear,sorry hmmm,console yourself and be strong.christianity is a way of life and we do not change it like that as if you are changing some cloths to meet an occassion.and one thing is that words are very powerful that is why there is a saying that we cannot erase what we say.look never ever speak for a man.if he wants to marry you let him say it.dont assume that if you do this he would also do that.men love to be in authority is part of their nature.you dont tell them to marry you let him say it himself.after that what you can do is to remind him in case he forgets.my dear nobody knows tomorow just console yourself and pray to God for a husband.because woe to anyone who puts his trust in man.my God would provide you a husband that would amaze you,becos when he bless he adds no sorrow.better days are ahead
FIRST OF ALL IT WAS REALLY AN ABSURD MOVE FOR U TO CONVERT COS THERE WAS NOT EVEN A MARRIAGE JUST A RELATIONSHIP…MAYBE IF U GUYS WER MARRIED IT WOULD HAVE BEEN DIFF,,,BUT U STILL SHD NOT CONVERT UR RELIGION EVEN IF U R TO MARRY ANOTHER MUSLIM COS DATS UR RELIGION AND DERS NOTHIN U CAN DO ABT IT…… AND IF THE GUY REALLY LUVS U HE WILL RESPECT UR RELIGION JUST AS U RESPECT HIS AND LIVE PEACEFULLY AFTER ALL ITS THE SAME GOD BUT WITH DIFF NAMES……JUST CONVERT BACK TO UR CHRISTIAN WAYS AND PRAY TO GOD TO FORGIVE U AND MAKE U WHOLE AGAIN…..AND PLS DONT MAKE SUCH A MISTAKE AGAIN……
Well.am a muslem and as goldcoast said,you dont cconvert into Islam because of a man ,it has to be your own decision,ask yourself If you really like the religiob or iits just because of him,what happens If he dies after getting married to yyou will u go back tti ur religion? what if u had kids with him will the kids be brought up in the islamic way? Or they will be christians since the man is no more, my dear I suggest you go back to been a christian since UR only reason oof conversion Iis because of the.
Ask yyourself if he also loved you that much why did he not cconvert,don’t get me wrong II love my religion and am proud to be a muslim but no man deserves such a big sacrifice,I suggest you take the advice of the author and be wise
The comments above are so true!
Converting for whatever love or heart reasons is a big “no no” for me. It will always turn into deception….
Why were you christian first? I suppose your parents were, so you were. You had no conviction! Because, I do respect Muslim, but there is a huge difference between our faith and theirs.
Are you sure that you will remain muslim if he dumps you? He is right to say that you are a muslim just for him. He is a man of conviction. One more time no conviction from your part. Stop complaining about the sacrifices you made because it was not a sacrifice for you! You was not so deep into christianity. he did not repect your religion choice because you did not respect it yourself!
No man is worthy for you to go in Hell for his sake. Take a time to think about what you really want in your life. Christian or Muslim, Stop acting just for the little ring. Act by faith and again, conviction!
People! Why are you all so full anger? Poor girl made an mistake and mistakes are there to be learn but I dont believe that muslims are satan Muslim believe in father abraham They began when abraham took the bond woman as his seed We come from sarah God said he would deal with that seed I and you know jesus is lord Jesus wants us to walk in love I see more fighting and judging here People using the word of god as a dart to knock down instead of edify The bible says to not be unequally yoked with a non believer Go to counseling Agree to be equally yoked In jesus of course God has to be the centre
@Miyagi, NAH BRO IS JUST STUPIDITY AT ITS HIGHEST PEAK. I MEAN WHY CAN YOU THROW THE SON JESUS AWAY FOR MOHAMMED? IMPOSSIBLE. IS JUST PAY BACK TIME FROM GOD TO HER. SORRY HUN BUT NEXT TIME YOU GOTTA USE YOUR BRAIN NOT YOUR HEART.
@maame, I co sign to that maame
@maame, first of all God do not payback to our evil deeds cos me and u can not stand the the wrath of the most high God ,HE loved us while we were still sinners. its just that she made a very wrong move and im sure the guy’s treatment is a way for her to realise that once u abandon christ things dont go well for u. i pray that she learns a good lesson and ask for forgiveness from GOD, remember he is ever forgiving GOD, thats why Jesus died on the cross.Peace be with u!
JESUS is the way the truth and the light and light , no one goes to the father(GOD) except through HIM.remember ur creator first before the end of the time!! a word to a wise is enough
@maame,
IF JESUS IS THE SON OF GOD?!!! MY PRECIOUS SISTER ..WAS GOD HUSBAND OF VIRGIN MARY?!!! YOU TRYING TO GLORIFY GOD AND KEEP HIM FAR AWAY FROM ANY DEFICIENT BUT YOU UNFORTUNATELY FELL IN THE SAME MISTAKE(SIN)!!! BY RELATING SON TO HIM GOD! JESUS IS A CREATION OF ALMIGHTY AND POWERFUL GOD WHO CAN DO ANYTHING AT ANYTIME TO TELL PEOPLE THAT HE IS THE ONLY ONE DESERVED TO BE WORSHIPPED..THATS WHY HE CREATED JESUS WITHOUT FATHER AND MADE HIM THE LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST PROPHET..AND THE LEAST PROPHET IS MOHAMMED WHO CAME TO SUCCEED THE THE MISSION OF JESUS WHEN HE WAS RAISED TO THE HEAVEN BUT HE WILL COME BACK TO FIGHT THE CHRISTIAN BECAUSE THEY DIDNT LISTEN TO HIS ADVISE WHEN HE TOLD THEM THAT HE IS NOT SON OF GOD BUT RATHER CREATION AND MESSENGER OF GOD AND HE ADVISED CHRISTIAN TO FOLLOW THE PROPHET MOHAMMED BECAUSE HE IS COMING TO SUCCEED THE MISSION OF PROPHET JESUS AND NOT THE SON OF GOD!..PLEASE GO BACK TO THE AUTHENTIC AND OLD TESTAMENT YOU WILL DISCOVER WHAT IM TELLING YOU AND FIND OUT GREAT MEN WHO HAD CONVERTED TO ISLAM TO TELL YOU THE FACT ABOUT JESUS AND THE RIGHT AND ONLY RELIGION ACCEPTED BY GOD AFTER THE RAISED OF JESUS TO THE HEAVEN AND HIS SUCCEED PROPHET MOHAMMED WHO JESUS HIMSELF NOTIFY THAT: PROPHET MOHAMMED IS COMONG TO CARRY ON HIS MISSION AND IS THE LAST PROPHET TO BE FOLLOWED AND LAST RELIGION TO BE EMBRACED WHICH IS ISLAM!!! THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR TAKING YOUR TIME TO READ MY MESSAGE…PLEASE DO ME A FAVOUR..TAKE YOUR TIME TO DO RESEARCH ABOUT THIS AND DONT TAKE IT PERSONAL BUT BE NEUTRAL AND DONT ARGUE IN AN IGNORANT WAY BUT ARGUE IN AN INTELLECTUAL WAY!..THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN AND GOD BLESS YOU!!!
MY PRECIOUS SISTER SISTER..PLEASE STICK AND REMAIN AS MUSLIM BECAUSE YOU ARE ON RIGHT WAY..PROBABLY THE GUY IS NOT YOUR CLASS RELIGIOUSLY AND MANNERS BECAUSE YOU SAID HE IS DRUNKARD WHICH IS NOT ACCEPTED BY ISLAM AND PROBABLY GOD IS MAKING THE BEST CHOICE FOR YOU BY SELECTING THE RIGHTEOUS AND DEVOUT MUSLIM FOR YOU BECAUSE GOD ALWAYS GIVE THE SINCERE AND RIGHTEOUS PEOPLE THE BEST THING SO EVER!!!
WELCOME TO ISLAM AND DONT PAY ATTENTION WHAT SOME SO CALLED MUSLIMS PUTTING UP WHICH IS FAR AWAY FROM THE TEACHINGS OF ISLAM BUT RATHER STICK AND GO BACK TO THE TEACHINGS OF ISLAM IN THE HOLY QURAN AND THE TRADITIONS OF THE PROPHETMOHAMED PEACE BE UPON HIM AND THE SAYING OF THE RIGHTLY GUIDED FOLLOWERS OF ISLAM AND FORGET ABOUT THE SAYING OF CORRUPTION AND INNOVATORS FOLLOWERS OF ISLAM!!!
MY SISTER ONCE AGAIN YOU ARE WELCOME AS MUSLIM AND HOLD IT FIRMLY AND DONT RETREAT BACK..PLEASE CONTINUE TO BE MUSLIM AND ONE DAY WE WILL MEET INSHALLAH AND YOU WILL TELL ME: THANK YOU VERY MUCH MY BROTHER FOR YOUR ADVICE..BUT IF YOU DONT TAKE MY ADVICE AND ABANDON ISLAM RELIGION..YOU WILL REGRET AND HAD I KNOW IS ALWAYS AT LAST…PLEASE NEVER LISTEN TO ANYONE TRY TO CONVINCE YOU TO CHANGE YOUR RELIGION AGAIN…PLEASE BE MUSLIM BECAUSE IS THE UNIQUE AND ONLY ACCEPTED RELIGION BY ALLAH AFTER JESUS WAS RAISED TO THE HEAVEN AND HE IS COMING BACK TO JOIN MUSLIMS AND FIGHT AGAINST CHRISTIANS,JEWS AND ALL THE OTHER ASTRAY RELIGIONS…YOUR FAVOURITE MAN IS ON HIS WAY TO YOU OR YOUR PREVIOUS MAN, MAY BE HE WANTED TO SEE IF YOU REALY LOVED HIM;THATS WHY HE FORSAKE YOU TO TRY YOUR PATIENT AND SEE HOW YOU GONNA REACT..ANYWAY YOU HAVE TO STICK TO THE ISLAM AND MAKE PRAYERS THAT, IF HE IS THE RIGHT PERSON FOR YOU;MAY GOD BRINGS BACK HIS ATTENTION TO YOU AND IF NOT THEN,MAY GOD BRING THE RIGHT PERSON TO YOU..AND DONT DEPEND ONLY ON PRAYERS BUT YOU HAVE TO BE SMART AND INTELLIGENT WHEN SELECTING YOUR COMPANIONSHIP AND MATE!!! THANK YOU VERY MUCH DEAR FOR TAKING YOUR TIME TO READ MY MESSAGE..HOPE TO HEAR BACK FROM YOU AGAIN..IM A GHANAIAN BUT IM IN EGYPT STUDYING IN AN UNIVERSITY CALLED AL AZHAR UNIVERSITY..AM IN FACULTY OF ARABIC LANGUAGE DOING LINGUISTIC SPECIALIZED IN ARABIC LANGUAGE AND IM ALSO TEACHING QURAN AND ARABIC LANGUAGE AS PART TIME JOB..THANK YOU AND ALL AND WHO HAVE TIME TO READ MY MESSAGE
Hello, question to sister… in the first place, why should you not accept your own mistakes by converting your religion in favour of your friendship hopping secretly for marriage and rather trying to blame your boy friend for all that mess you did? Sister, believe me or not when people don’t accept their mistakes they created themselves they cannot learn from it. Then the mistakes that we always do help us human being to know our emotional borders and helps us to know how far we can withstand those problems in order to know ourselves far better for the future, when we accept them. My tips for sisters in general is that, never allow religions or politics to rule your world in terms of relationship because sisters trust me, either Muslim religion or Christianity, your real religion is in your heart and so you must rather be very honest, believe in yourself, be genuine and authentic towards your partner and the right partner will accept you the way you’re and not your religion or what so ever… my girl friend and me are planning to marry sooner or later although she is Muslim and I’m Buddhist but we love ourselves very strong and no one is ready to convert to nowhere o. k. take care…
first of all it is wrong to convert from christianity to islam since it is only Jesus christ who can save u and not muhammed. secondly u can afford to lose ur sould because of a boy so please get back to ur christian life and u shall be saved. dont think about riches or anything cos ur soul is important k.
You made a big mistake by leaving your JESUS, know that there is no any other NAME than that of JESUS. “Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.” Don’t compromise you life. Pray to GOD, THE LORD JESUS and HE will show you the way.
Sandra, “to thine own self be true….” You cannot force love, you must know that already. At 34 yrs old you may feel that time is not on your side but just know that as you live in truth life will give you what is yours to have. As a former christian (since you have now converted to Islam I use the words former christian), you must surely know what God’s words says in Proverbs 3 vs 5…..”Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.” I believe that had you truly sought to know the will of God in this situation you would have been directed differently. The good thing is that God is a God of second chances. Psalms 34 vs 7 says….”Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Seek God, put Him ahead of yourself and He will surely bless you. As Ephesians 3:20-21 says, “Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, unto him be glory in the church by Jesus Christ throughout the ages, world without end. KJV” I use a lot of Biblical quotes because you mentioned that you were a christian. I am surprized that you did not take solace in God’s principles before doing your own thing. As you contemplate where you go from here, I hope one of the things you will do is to go back to your “Christian roots” and begin communicating with God through Christ. I hope you will find, as Philippians 4 vs 7 says And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Peace, love and blessings to you sister.
@ yenni who says muslims will go to hell,pls get ur facts straight here ,a correction @miyagi,muslims don’t worship through Abraham or Muhammad (puh) we worship God but believe in Muhammad because He is the prophet and messnger of God.we believe in his teachings to all tthose who are critising muslims,we not here tio aargue about which religion Iis rright oor wrong…
ship Him
@chill, did you actually take your time to read if not do so maybe you will understand it more than Becauseni didn’t use the word worship but I assume that your Muslim
Never change 4 a man young lady…that will never gaurantee he will be with u forever. Move on, He kicked u to the curb, be thankful and find someone who will love u for who u are.
wow…some gals can rily make sacrifices ohh…hmmm…ope u learn something ma sister
nothing in this universe will take my first love in this case ,-jehova my god and my jesus away from me.no man that walks on this planet is worthy of that.christianity as one said above is not just a religion but also a life style.once you are a christian ,you are a christion.if you like convert to the planet jupita.sit down and have a very good thought about yourself and where you are heading to b/c right now you are in the middle of no where.i hope you get divine intervention to get you through.you behave as if you do not see or hear or ,even exist in this world.
I feel sorry for u my dear,i know all the people judging u might even do worst in ur situation,i thinks desperation made u take this decision cos most women at ur age will want to settle down with any man they date but know that Gods time is really the best and he knows why ur marriage has delayed .Just relax ,pray and take things slow and God will surely bless u with a wonderful man.
God is patient and He is love. Just as in Noah’s days, His call to repentance and salvation is to all men. However this time, the means of salvation is not through an ark but through His Beloved Son Jesus Christ. He loves all His children and His heart desire is that no man should perish but have everlasting life through faith in His Son Jesus Christ. His word also says in Matthew 22 that, many are called but few are chosen. The Lord used the parable of the wedding feast to illustrate this word. He said the kingdom of God is like a wedding feast where many are invited (called), however all the wedding guests refused to attend because they refused the invitation. They killed and spitefully treated the servants of the king who were sent out to give the invitations. The king destroyed the people who refused the invitation and then extended the invitation to people who did not deserve to attend the feast. Many were called but only a few out of the lot who were called only a few chose to attend the wedding feast.
This is absolutely stupid. Very foolish of you to change your faith and beliefs for someone who is not even devout. The fact that he went into the relationship with you knowing full well that you were a Christian means he did not want to marry you in the first place. If he was not very devout why couldn’t he convert to Christianity? If you had to change your religion for him to consider marrying you in the first place what makes you think that even when he decides to marry you he will not change his mind in a year or two and state that he wants someone with bigger breasts, skinny, etc etc…..like sassy chic said when you make such huge life changing changes you also need to think of your own interest.
I wanted to marry a muslim girl recently we had been dating for some time and I loved her a lot too. Everyone in her family agreed except her father, who used emotional blackmail to disuade her. The father wanted me to come to the mosque and convert and even cited Kwaku Bako Junior as an example, but I could not do it and now he is so hostile to me I just cant believe it. You should never have to convert to your partners religion as a means of displaying your commitment and love. If it is demanded that you do that you have to walk away no matter how painful. Am really sorry for you because if thats your picture you are a very beautiful woman who does not deserve this.
Apuutoo!! Listen here. Well convert back to christianity then. There is no need to cry over this (even though it is hurtful). If a man don’t want you move along.. don’t beat yourself over this too much. This life of ours is TO SHORT for that.
i really like all yr comments, especially goddies God bless u for post
God bless u goodies for the knowledge shared