My friend is at a tight corner with a man who wants to have children with her before marriage. As old school or maybe it is better to say ‘African woman’ that my friend is, she wants marriage first and then children.
It may not seem like a big deal to you until you are pushed to the wall to make a true decision on this issue. You may love someone so much and at the same time have respect for the principles and values that has made you what you are today.
What comes first for you? Marriage and then children or the vice versa? Would you be able to subject this to a swap if your partner wants the alternative? What is your take on this; should marriage always come before children?
Ok I know the Bible says its wrong to have children out of wedlock and though I am a Christian…i know that as human beings we don’t follow everything the Bible says…I PERSONALLY believe it’s better to have kids after marriage primarily because of commitment and security…marriage commitment is a huge deal…like u could be having issues with your man/chick but i feel like sometimes married couples are more determined to sort them out for their kids’ sakes….i view marriage as a tight bond…but if you’re just normal bf/gf then there’s not that much of a “requirement” 2 stay and work it out…and that leads to the kids beging shuffled back & forth from mummy to daddy’s house…and plus they’re gonna see countless people come on go when their parents move onto next relationships…i don’t think that’s good
Security is another reason why I think kids should come after marriage…this kinda ties in with what i previously said but yeah if the parents are married there’s like a tighter bond hence more security…and even financial security cah mummy and daddy’ll be providing for the kids as one…but with bf and gfs its like if you break up and the guy is a dickhead and don’t wanna pay no child support or nothing…it’s like u gotta struggle financially and ting.
Gossip Mama i think u should tell your chick 2 jam…and wait…and if the guy truly loves her then he should be willing to wait until after marriage…what da heck is da rush?!
God is against dat..its simply fornication..
all join, what eva ways it pleases… 2 me i’ll prefer it b4 marriage.
Most definately…but if for some reason one has children before marraige, we should leave the judging to God.
yea since datz da rite way buh in our world of today circumstances happen and women get preggers b4 marriage and when dat happens we jst have to ask for forgiveness and repent and also count the babies as a blessing in our lives cus they are a blessing buh sumtimes too some people do not care at all at all like take the the girls here in da states esp da Akata’s, bac in high skul de made getting pregnant at 15-18 a fashion in skul and till dis day they still do. cus i noe if i dare bring some pregnancy home ma mama go kill me then ma whole fam will hear abt it too…LMAO
please tell your friend to get married first before children. the chances of both men and women in a married relationship leaving is less than unmarried couples with children.
i agree with u Sasha,at least the child would have some sort of security even if it leads to divorce.
In a ideal world definitely marriage first but the world isn’t always ideal. I guess we are a lot more old school then we think! It just bothers me when you get girls that get pregant to keep a guy in the hope that marriage will later come.
I’ve noticed that it doesn’t seem to matter whether parents are married or not. What seems to matter most is how they interact with each other in front of their children and of course how they interact with their children. If the parents are always respectful and loving towards each other their children will pick up on that and with emulate those behaviors in general their are exceptions. The catch is some couples have external pressure from their extended families and their community to have children in wed-lock that could lead to stress if children are born outside of wed-lock or lead to them getting a classic “shotgun” wedding For the couples I’ve seen that happen to they tend to show their anger or anxiety more often in front of their children Especially if they weren’t a good match to begin with. I hate seeing good people stay together and work it out when they are on opposite sides of every issue they face. Staying together for the kids ends up hurting the kids the most. They get to see the stress between their parents everyday and when they grow up they’ll trend towards relationships like their parents. Which no parent would want their children to repeat their mistakes. Its a long winded answer but its a tough call either way you feel about the issue. I’d say neither matters what matters most is if the couple is already fully committed to each others happiness and whatever their “family values” may be.
marriage is overated, as long as both parents are responsible u can have kids when u want. Having the ‘married’ status doesn’t mean responsible parenting.
Good point.