Love & Relationship: I Think My Man Is Cheating But He Still Buys Me Gifts & Pays For My Education…Should I Leave Him? I Am Worried!

Dear GC,

My fiancé is a caring man. He gives me all I want including time but I know he sneaks out to cheat on me. I don’t know what to do.

We started of as friends when we met at a restaurant. We were friends for about a year before we started going out.

He’s been married twice and has two children, one from each marriage. I love him.  We’ve been together for 5yrs now, he was recently out of the country which he invited me over to visit him. I am going to further my education which he will be sponsoring as he always does.

Though I believe he deletes evidence of whatever he does in town he sometimes forgets and I get to know that he’s seeing other women. I know men quite promiscuous by nature but I’m still very worried.

Recently it really feels like his feelings towards me have changed and he seems distant.  He still takes care of me. He doesn’t normally stay out for long but it’s obvious that he’s cheating. I’ve seen condoms in his wallet and car. 

I do believe he’s a good man but my worry now is I’m afraid I might loose him. I’m confused because if I talk to him he always denies having an affair.

I don’t want to step on his toes because he has this bad temper and I don’t want him to know that I have proof since he will think I am searching through his things which I’m not. I just happen to see them by chance.

What do I do?

Worried girl

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Dear G,

On first glance it seems your concerns are not with his infidelity but rather with the possibility that he will leave you. The issue here is there are bigger signs and clues he is showing you that you’re ignoring. If there are too many of these signs and trails of betrayal it’s because he isn’t really trying to hide it. This is because he can and there are no consequences.

Yes you are right SOME men are very promiscuous by nature, but not all are and neither does it make it ok for him to disrespect you in this way. Even those that are and don’t want to be caught will not make such obvious mistakes for you to find and have your feelings burnt.

It’s important that you stop for minute, change your thinking and get yourself to consider other possibilities. This is likely to come with a bit of disappointing reality.

Consider this, he is continuing to shower you with gifts and money as this is a way to buy your acceptance for his cheating. Be honest with yourself and ask yourself whether you would turn a blind eye to his cheating if he suddenly stopped buying and paying for things.

It maybe that you are worried he’ll leave due to his past marriages that he left behind. His change in attitude may not be related to how he feels about you or that he’s planning to leave. However if he is pulling away this can be painful rejection. You need to stop checking his phones and belongings, it will only drive you crazy if you find something that might not even be evidence of him cheating.

You need to push these emotions and unhelpful thoughts of him cheating aside and act logical. He will respect you more. If he appears to be backing off don’t smother, moan or whine at him. Give him space; keep busy and concentrate on your course. He will come and look for you. Ultimately you need to decide whether you would still stay if he admitted he is cheating.

Hope this helps

All the best

Regards,

SassyChic!

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