Dear GC,

I’ve been in a relationship with a guy for about 5 months now and I really love this guy.  He is every woman’s dream guy. The problem is a  I found out something heartbreaking about him in our second month of dating which is killing me.

I don’t know how to approach him about the issue.  I wanted to ignore it and just build a relationship but i’ve come to realise that it’s not helping me and I want to talk to him about it but I don’t know how  to start.

Barely 2 months of dating I was chatting with an old mate in school who was lamenting over a break up she was going through, how the boy is ignoring her and won’t even give her any reasons for his actions. She was so down and I was about going offline so I took her number to call her later and encourage her.

As we were talking later in the evening about her guy it turns out to be the same guy I’m going out with right now. I almost collapsed, but I tried to control  myself and acted along. I didn’t tell her about us, I just asked questions about their relationship and when they started having problems. It was the same time I met this guy was the time he started ignoring this other girl.

I wanted to tell the lady right then that I was going out with the guy now but something held me. I wanted to call this guy right away and end it right there but I up till now I just can’t do it. I’ve not been able to tell anyone.

This guy is so loving and everything but I’m just finding it difficult to trust him. A month after I had the conversation with this lady, she called to tell me finally the guy granted her a visit, that’s when he was still with me, the lady actually spent a weekend with him.

Again, I had to swallow the bitter pill and asked her what happened during her visit. I wanted to know whether they were able to solve their problems but she told me it didn’t work and they’re going their separate ways.

I’m hurting because he allowed her to spent a weekend with him, I don’t want to think of whatever happened before they broke up. I speak with this lady all the time, and she tells me everything.

She is dating again and told me that my guy said he was dating as well. I really want to sit down with this guy and tell him everything that I know about his relationship with this other girl and the fact that he allowed her to spend the weekend with him when we are going out.

I don’t know how to go about this conversation because this little secret is hurting me and I want to talk about it even if it means a break up between us. I want to listen to him give me reasons.

Please help.

Thank you,

Worried Girl.
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Dear Worried Gril,

As always where matters of the heart are concerned there is always a danger of making irrational decisions and convincing yourself certain issues can be ignored.

You have very correctly stated this is something that needs to be out in the open and you should really do this now. This can’t be the foundation of a good relationship.

As difficult as this will be for you to hear it may have crossed your mind that you were colluding in deceiving and hurting this friend.
In many ways you are very lucky. Yes it’s a small world but what are the chances you would be dating a man who was dating your friend. Woman and men are cheated on all the time and some never find out but when this information finds its way to you, you get the chance to make a very informed decision.

I do understand you feel this man has been very good to you based on what you have experienced but one thing we woman sometimes fail to do is really look at the bigger picture.

Would a good man abandon his ex girlfriend with no explanation and ignore her? Your first instinct should be, if he can do that to her then he can do that to me. Many of us assume a man will not do that to us in particular, that is a delusion.  He can and it is more likely he has done it before.

The mistrust you have is very well placed and makes sense because he may have actually slept with his ex-girlfriend during that weekend.

If he did, then he has already betrayed and lied to you as he did not say the truth about where he would have been that weekend. There is also now no guarantee he won’t ever see her again regardless of the official break up.

You can and should sit him down and just ask him who she is to him. You are at an advantage here again because he does not know what you know. If he lies, which is highly likely, then you will know the kind of man you are letting into your heart.

I should say though he may tell you the truth in which case you can make a decision based on his attitude, reaction and remorse. Just bear in mind you will have to tell him how you know about this. It is likely to be an issue with him that you knew and kept this information all this long.

Best of luck

SassyChic!

Send all your relationship & Love  probs to me via [email protected]

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