Dear GC Readers,
I’m 25 years old and in a relationship with a 27 year old guy. We have been going out for a year now. I love him very much but I’m very scared to trust his words.
Six month into the relationship he confessed he has a daughter with a lady he dated before but the lady is now dead. When I asked why he didn’t tell me all this time, he told me he wanted to be sure of the woman he is going out with first.
He then said when he was sure he was scared that I might leave him because of that. I thought about it and decided to continue dating him.
My problem now is, he is not consistent, he says one thing today then tomorrow he says another. I only know his brother and I haven’t seen his daughter yet.
He claims he loves me and wants me to be his wife but hasn’t made the attempts to introduce me to his family.
I fear he is playing with my feeling, he did so many things that I forgave him for but as at now am confused on whether to call it quit or keep hoping things get better.
I’ve stopped calling him as frequently as I used to, though I am still dating him. I don’t know what to do, am confused. What do I do? Is he serious with me?
Christiana….
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Dear Christiana,
The fact that you are seeking advice is a major sign you know something is not right. I don’t see anything wrong in giving your relationship a chance or taking a chance that your relationship will workout despite the initial secrets.
His reason for keeping quiet about his child is plausible for the sake of the child. Although it sounds like this is not all you are concerned about. I’m sure you’ve heard the expression ‘people don’t change’. Well they do, but only if they want to or think they need to.
No man is perfect so if it is something you can tolerate then sometimes it’s ‘better the devil you know’.
What I’ll advise is to follow your instincts because it is more than likely you will still have the same issues with your relationship a year from now.
Best of Luck
God Bless.
Ms. A.K from GC XXX
Send all your relationship & Love probs to me via [email protected]
I will advice you to first go with your instincts because you know him more than we do, so we can only judge him from what we are reading, but you know him more than we do, and mostly, a person instincts is always right, so if your heart tells you something is not right, then you should go with that and leave him. However, from what I am reading, I don’t think he did anything wrong. If it is true that he has a child, you have to understand why it took him sometime to tell you. Maybe he was assessing you to make sure you are mature enough to handle his “baggage”. I do however think you should “suggest” to him to let you see his child. You shouldn’t force this issue because maybe the child is not ready to meet a new person especially if he or she lost their mom recently. I THINK IN ALL THIS PATIENCE IS THE KEY. THE TRUTH WILL COME OUT AT SOME POINT BECAUSE HE CAN’T LIE FOREVER, SO DO EXERCISE PATIENCE, AND HOPEFULLY IN DUE TIME YOU WILL MEET THE CHILD AND KNOW WHAT REALLY HAPPENED TO THE MOTHER. I WISH YOU NOTHING BUT THE BEST AND HOPE IT ALL WORKS OUT, BUT IF IT DOESN’T, SUCH IS LIFE AND YOU WILL HAVE TO KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND MOVE ON…
CALL ME AT (555)555-5555 ONCE AGAIN MY NAME IS ME, A CLINICAL PSYCHIATRIST WITH A DEGREES FROM CHOKOR/KANESHIE FOOD MARKET SCHOOL. I AM HIGHLY KNOWLEDGEABLE, SO LET ME KNOW IF YOU NEED FURTHER ASSISTANCE
@ME, loooooooooooooooooooooool…u actually gave sum ok advice…until da last bit lol
@ME, co sign
@ME, idiot
@syn,
My friend you don’t know me so you better not talk to me like that otherwise I will put fire on your a$$. Everyone is entittled to make a comment, so if you don’t like mine move on and make yours. This should be the last time you will call me an idiot you fool. Some of you are soo disrespectful. You better leave it at the door before you come on this site…:roll: 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄
@ME, idiot again
I tink u shd hv patience wit him n als luv d child as ur own
@Sunshine, bitch she hasnt even seen de kid. if he loved her she would have seen de kid already.
@syn,
You are such a fool. You have no idea what you are talking about. Read the freaking article before you comment. You want him to just introduce the child to her just anyhow? What if they break up after meeting the child? DO you know anything about children and their psychological make up. The child lost her mom, if things doesn’t work out for the adults, she will feel like she is losing another mother figure hence double the grief. Children are not adults and have to be treated gently, diligently.
On a different note, you really need to watch your freaking language. The B word is uncalled for. Educate your little brain because your ignorance is on display for the world to see… You have the guts to call someone the B word. You must be looking in the mirror when you say that because if anything YOU ARE THE :B”
@ME, bitch he wants to marry her dont u think she shd meet de child and bond b4 getting married.
All i say is,I dont advise you to leave him,things like this need time and patients because the situation is really hard and maybe he is finding ways to cope with that at the same time of trying to secure his relationship with you.Please be patients and if it still goes on,you need to tell him how you feel and if you are ready to be a mum to the child aswell,reassure him that no matter what the same way you are there for him you will also be there for the child.Its good you asked for advise from this site but watch out because not everybody would give good advise and thats a fact.
Until I read you had been dating a year, I thought “no worries” but after that length of time it should defintiely have come out.
@Me,you started off with advise and ended it of with irrevelant info everyone please keep to the subject for this womans sake. @Minah,what you are saying is true,patients is a virtue it might hurt because its not easy living with such situation but to get the best result you need to take whatever is thrown at you and sort this problem.Leaving him would not make neither you or him the better person and things will only get worst.Talk to him make him know how you are feeling and try and find out why he has not introduced you to his family afterall maybe his not ready to,but dont give up.
@Cechilia,
I was giving an honest advice, however I have to be true to myself….I am a comedian, I love cracking jokes, I guess you didn’t get the joke. Not everyone is smart enough to know what is the truth and what is a joke. You have to have the brains to separate the two. so if you don’t like my comment….Kindly move on and leave me alone.
AS FOR CHRISTIANA, I HOPE I ANSWERED YOUR QUESTION TO THE BEST OF MY CAPABILITIES IN REGARDS TO YOUR PRIVATE MATTER, HOWEVER I HAD TO JOKE AT THE END BECAUSE THAT IS JUST WHO I AM…WISH YOU ALL THE BEST
@Me that is not nessesary here,i know its a joke and you like to be funny like me to,but this is not the time for jokes thats why i said can we all just stick to the subject to create no complications but you are valid to your comment.
@Syn,you need to learn how to talk to people,you are calling someone a bitch for having a good opinion,wheather she has not been introduced to the child,she should be prepared to have the responsibility of the child because now the child does not have a mum,she is a big part of the father and if he is a good father he would have to look after the child as well as being with the lady.
I can understand why he initially never told you about his daughter to begin with. I personally feel people should reveal these things in the beginning but i guess people have different approaches and most men tend to wait for more certainty with their feelings before committing to reveal personal information.
Trust and communication is key in all relationships. If you feel that this is already an issue, then I strongly encourage that you and your partner seriously discuss these matters and express how it makes you feel because if it doesnt get dealt with sooner rather than later your relationship may take the pattern of inconsistencies which isn’t healthy
i think de girl should go and see de child if she really love de guy.