Dear Gc Readers,
I am a single Dad in my late 20’s and living with my 5 year old child. I have a close married friend with a child of same age as my son. Due to the two kids, I spend some of my weekends at my friend’s house with his family to allow the two children play together.
A few months ago, I was working and taking up a professional web development course at a College to enable me become a freelance web developer. I lost my job when I was at the finishing end of my course. My job loss meant that I could not finance the course and had to drop out.
My friend’s wife is a professional web developer and the very person who suggested the course to me in the first place. As I couldn’t continue the course at the college, she offered to help me finish the few units I was left with.
This would then mean I could just pay for the exam and complete my course. My best friend’s wife kindly offered to teach me whenever she had free time at home. She had been doing so until few weeks ago when she proposed LOVE to me and kept talking about how much she loves me, how she wants to leave her problematic husband and be with me.
I have rejected her proposal and have even stopped going to the house for the lessons. However, she keeps calling and texting all the time. I want to tell my friend what his wife is up to but I am concerned how things would turn out.
This is a very close childhood friend. I feel maybe he would not even believe me; maybe I would lose my friendship with him. And If I don’t tell him and he finds out another way, I would become the bad person by not informing him. I am so confused, Please Advise me!
From Mike
Dear Mike,
I can only imagine that being a single father of a young child and dealing with your recent unemployment is enough of a challenge without having to deal with your friends’ marital issues.
However as you pointed out this is a close childhood friend and it is not as simple as walking away. This is a situation where you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Therefore my advice to you is to put your own needs and that of your child first.
I am very sure that you have had a whole host of advice from those you have asked, all of which will be different and confusing to you. Hence my advice to you is to trust the decision you make that will mean less damage to your own family.
If you tell your friend, he will surely react, if you don’t and he finds out he will react and in both cases you may loose this friend. What I will say is, ask yourself if it were the other way round what would you expect from your friend? In life it’s about treating people the way you also expect to be treated.
The fact that you have backed off and seeing them less is a smart move. Even though having someone tell you they have feelings for you might do something for the ego, the plain fact is this person has acted in a selfish manner.
This will surely affect your relationship with your own friend and your children. You may also want to consider that this might not be the first time your friend’s wife has done this and may just be looking for way out of her troubled marriage. Often being a single person spending time with a married couple can come with its issues of crossed boundaries.
This is my advice, lets see what other readers would say…
Best of luck !
Regards,
Ms. A.K from GC XXX
Send all your relationship & Love probs to me via [email protected]
MIke never pick a lady over friendship there are millions of laides out there don’t if u mess with this one u will ruin a lot of things for u
EI WOMEN AND OUR PROBLEMS.IF SHE HAS A TROUBLED HUSBAND SHE SHOULD LEAVE HIM.WHY DOES SHE WANT TO INVOLVE YOU.TELL YOU WHAT, I AM A LADY AND I THINK THIS LADY IS PUSHED BY INFATUATION AND NOT LOVE.SHE JUST WANT TO SPILT YOU AND YOUR FRIEND.MY BROTHER DO NOT MI . i. n. d HER.CHANGE YOUR NUMBER AND IF POSSIBLE STAY AWAY FROM HER.SHE KNOWS THAT YOU NEED HER HELP THAT IS WHY SHE IS DOING THIS.ONES SHE TELLS YOU THAT YOUWILL FALL FOR HER TRAP.DO NOT MIND HER.SHE WILL DO THE SAME THING TO YOU.IF SHE HAS PROBLEMS IN HER MARRIAGE SHE CAN ASK FOR DEVORCE AND NOT SEEK DEVORCE THROUGH YOU.
AGAIN I THINK YOU SHOULD NOT TELL YOUR FRIEND ANYTHING.DO NOT LET THEM BREAK -UP THROUGH YOU.BUT IF IS SHE STILL INSIST YOU CAN GO AND TELL AN ELDERLY PERSON SAY HER PASTOR TO ADVICE HER .SINCE YOU ARE CLOSE WITH HER YOU I THINK YOU KNOW THEIR PASTOR.IF UPON ALL THIS SHE STILL INSIST MY BROTHER, THERE ARE SO MANY WAYS TO KILL A CAT .LET HER OUT.BUT MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A PROVE.DO NOT JUST GO AND TELL YOUR FRIEND YOUR WIFE THAT AND THAT.YOU CAN EVEN RECORD ALL HER MESSAGES AND LOVE CALLS AS A PROVE.YOU CAN ALSO WARN HER WITH THE RECOEDED MESSAGES THAT IF SHE DOES NOT LEAVE YOU ALONE YOU WILL EXPOSE HER.(of course not to danger. hahahaha just for laugh)SOME OF US WOMEN CAN NOT KEEP WHAT WE HAVE B/N OUR LEGS CLOSE.aba.ONCE AGAIN IF SHE IS NOT HAPPY IN HER MARRIAGE,SHE SHOULD LEAVE HER HUSBAND BUT NOT THROUGH YOU.FOR CRYING OUT LOUD THAT IS WHY WE HAVE THE WORD marriage AND devorce.
I THINK LATER IF YOUR FRIEND HEARS ALL THIS EFFORT , HE WILL NOT BE ANGRY WITH YOU.MAKE SURE YOU SOLVE THIS AMICABILLY.I JUST HOPE YOU TAKE MY ADVICE.
THANK YOU AND ALL THE BEST.
SORRY FOR LONG COMMENT.
@elena babe, I co-sign for this comment and no it is not too long but just what he needs to hear
@Kin, Thanks bro.i just think we women are something sometimes.
@elena babe, lol sis I be lady like you, but yeah its time we women shine our eyes.
@elena babe, waa look at thisoo !!! whilst some women are fighting to maintain the diignity of feminity, others are busily ruining our virtue! SHAME oo SHAME!!! if u dun love ur hubby go tellur momma n quit de aware kankanif u claim so,if ur hubby aint makin love to u, talk to him abt it…i dun even know wat her problem is cos she is a mother of a child…ebufuwsem aa kwa! disgrace!
Ayie! a pastor? My friend the pastor may end up sleeping with her. I think he rather tell the girl’s parents for them to talk some sense into her head or for the parents to complete their unfinished business of not teaching her good morales and values. In that case, if the marriage breaks up, they will, at least, not blame their son-in-law.
emotional touching advise
emotional touching advise
@Viqar Khan, SORRY THOUGH WAS KIN.
Why do Ghana women put ginger in their pussies?
women are so sometin. elena, ur advise is the strongest he needs right now. can’t believe dis. ur husband’s best friend. yuck!!!!!!!!!
@coretta, SOME WOMEN ARE JUST INCREDIBLE!
Leave this woman alone before she ruins your life! DON’T tell your friend and do your best to stay away. If this woman would leave her husband for his friend she is sure to go on to the next man. That’ such a shameless woman.
PLAY SAFE!!!!!
lool Paapa Jay!
Hmmmmmmm what a world that we are living in. Now a days some women don’t respect themselves at all! what is wrong with this woman . Is she sane or the opposite. young man don’t fall into this lady’s trap.Try to stay away from her as soon as possible and dont tell your friend because he can lie against you big time that can destroy your relationship with her husband.
Do you truly think the world is so stupid it cannot read between the lines? It appears the two of you (your friends wife and you) have more in common than she has with the husband. You guys must have already been sleeping together with all the times you have been spending together; perhaps without the husbands presence. Scarcely will a woman just get up and propose to you if there is not already an intimacy or some kind of emotional assurance from you. You are confused becuase you are already intimately involved and questionably in love with her. This is plain and simple. It is wrong! You have really betrayed your friend by sleeping with the wife and making her fall in love with you. All he did was to offer you his home, but you took advantage of the situation and now destroying his home by snatching the wife. May the lord judge you two, and May He bless your friend.